Lockdown Challenge #4: Reality is frequently inaccurate

Thank you for a real tough one Kim.

Have you heard of the Mandela effect? It’s basically when many people believe the same inaccurate or wrong facts about an event. The name comes from the year 2010 when many people believed that Nelson Mandela had passed away in the 1980’s. Obviously not South African’s, heck some South African’s believe he is still alive (he died in 2013… just FYI)

Since 2010 we’ve had a name for widely remembered events that didn’t happen, and before 2010 there were many Mandela effects as well, we just didn’t have a name for it. When these people are then told that they had been believing wrong for x number of years, they are dumbstruck.

I wonder if these Mandela Effect people then think that Reality is Inaccurate? Many people refuse to believe that their beliefs had been wrong, which is understandable, it’s a belief. Certain life choices are made around beliefs. You watched (and were excited about) Hobbs & Shaw because you believed the Fast and the Furious franchise made quality stuff. After all, thus far they had made some pretty amazing films. You didn’t want anyone to disprove your belief, and you fought for the movie, until you watched it. The reality is that the film wasn’t that good to begin or end with, and the middle was not cooked. In your mind the reality has to be inaccurate because you so desperately wanted a spinoff to be good.

Quit blaming one another… it was bad.

Or lets take a crush, for example you have a crush on a hot piece of ass somewhere in your living/working/schooling/churching space. Naturally one’s brain pulls these asshole moves and we tend to fantasise about this person. What they are like, they are probably super smart, and funny and just loves all of the things you love. What it would be like to go on a date with them. Kiss them. Hug them. You get it. Then you muster up the courage to ask this person out onto said date. Or you bump into them at some point and start talking and all of these little hints drop that this person is simply not how you imagined or fantasised. Yet somehow your brain buffers you from these hints because it is being flooded with endorphins. All you can do is focus on not peeing yourself like an excited chihuahua and not saying LOL out loud.

Then in this example you go on a date with said person and you are still blind to the hints. A few months down the line when your brain has grown accustomed to the flood of hormones the blinkers fall off and you notice the things you missed… The way they say hashtag in front of at least one word per sentence. Hashtag annoying. You suddenly noticed they have about 17 dogs (okay only 2 but they shit like 17 dogs) and they go on these run things, by choice. They are super serious and they thought Nelson Mandela was still alive. Your brain tricked you into thinking everything is fine because your fantasy life was way better than the reality that is staring you in the face.

Because reality is frequently inaccurate.

Lockdown Challenge #3: Come together – Stay apart

Phoenix sparked me with this.

Am I the only one who feels like Dr Seuss has been writing the script for the world for the last few months? Come together by staying apart. Up is down, down is up, right is left, left is right, that kind of thing. No, not just me? Great.

ALONE!!

Anyway, I am not going to make this a COVID-19 thing, goodness knows there is enough of that going around (ahem). No, I will make this light hearted and funny.

I thought with this one I would do a “HOW TO STAY APART AND COME TOGETHER” thing.  That sounds a lot like moving whilst being stationary. It can be done and by golly I’ma tell you how.

And here goes:

• Yell to your neighbour.
  This is one works best for people who live in apartment blocks or in close proximity to other families. What you want to do is get onto your balcony or even the roof of your building and yell to your neighbour, which neighbour you ask, ANY NEIGHBOUR. Ask them whether they watched the reruns of old Rugby World Cup matches. Or do that ridiculous recipe swap thing with paper airplanes. OR… or, if you are feeling very adventurous do that string-tin telephone. You know from back in the day. I know yoh ass got some tins, you guys been stocking up for the apocalypse. Eat some beans and phone a friend.

• Do that zoom singing thing.
  You and some friends come together via Zoom (obvy) and sing something. For extra points sing something cliché like Ring-a-ring o’Roses. Wait, no that song is too short, not everyone will have a chance. Maybe something like Poor Unfortunate Souls.  It doesn’t matter that all your friends sound like 1 000 nails on a blackboard and you sound like a tired cat, sing your little hearts out.

Some lowwww notes in here. Stretch that talent.

• Make a video…
  …about EVERYTHING you are doing from what food you are making to how you fold your toilet paper. People need to see that. Believe me, their lives are less full without knowing exactly how you unclogged the shower drain using peanut butter, drain cleaner and some salt. PLEASE share all of these pearls of wisdom. Oh and don’t film these videos in landscape, or in a well lit room with ZERO naked kids in the background. No, it’s portrait all the way and some more bonus points if you can get your kid to dig in their nappy in the background and yell “It stinks”.

• Do a lockdown challenge
  *cough-cough* There’s the egg challenge, the handstand challenge, the climbing Everest on your stairs challenge. Why stop there? Bring back the ice bucket challenge and the cinnamon challenge. Shit, while you are at it, do the Harlem shake all on your own, or follow the first bullet and ask your neighbour to join. And whatever challenge you decide on, don’t forget to nominate 50 friends to join in the “fun”.

BY FAR the best one out there. Is you good, is you kay? Cos I want ta know.

I hope these tips are helpful in keeping you and your loved ones together by staying apart.

If you have any more tips, please share them in the comments below. Or just say “hi” (PLEASE SAY HI… Extrovert here)

Lockdown challenge #2: Sugar and spice and all things nice

This Lockdown Challenge is a long term thing apparently, BUT lockdown got extended sooooo I get to make up for it.

Kim gave me this spark for the challenge:

Sugar and spice and all things nice…

…and the first thing that came to mind was The Powerpuff Girls.

The show starts off with the words SUGAR, SPICE and everything nice and them some stuff about professor Utonium adding an accidental extra ingredient… CHEMICAL X (I wonder if the creator of the show was/is a Marvel Comics fan…). Thus, the Powerpuff Girls were born (I won’t carry on reciting)

Why am I writing about the PP Girls? Good question (checks notes) It’s mostly because this points to a childhood pastime… CARTOON NETWORK. Not the CN that kids have now. Oh no no, I am talking about the CN that had shows like Ed, Edd and Eddy, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Dexter’s Laboratory, Cow and Chicken… those shows. Good wholesome shows.

• 

But I am also writing about the PP Girls because as a girl (I am a girl, yes) I used to want to be Buttercup so bad. She was always the rebel, the tougher one, the one who is always getting into trouble and the one who is always up for an ass whoopin. If there was ass to by whooped, Buttercup be yoh girl.

It made it difficult being blond and blue-eyed though (the only time that it was ever difficult), because as a girl you naturally want to chose the character that you look like (even if it is just 2 features, 2 of the most significant features). Bubbles had the blue and blonde… and the irritating voice and the emotions and the girliness that I just didn’t agree with.

On a different but related note, I know there are redheads in the world and I understand the demographic that Blossom is catering for, but who the heck has pink eyes? Seriously though, Blossom has pink eyes and no one is bothered by this? That’s that chemical X shit not washing out with the rinse cycle, Professor. She needs to be quarantined, that shit is contagious. Give the girl some eye drops, take her to see a doctor.

I digress, the whole sugar, spice thing did spark something other than nostalgia. What the PP Girls teaches us is, that it’s all about being sweet but being able to kick some ass too. Be spicy but help the helpless, stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves. And always have that extra ingredient, that something that makes you different. (Not Arkham Asylum type different though… calm down Harley)

If that one thing that you have is that your eyes are pink, please see a doctor, get help, get an eye patch.

In closing, passing words to you are… Watch a bit of PP Girls. Be inspired to do some good. Even if it is liking, sharing and commenting on this post, you are the true hero here.

Lockdown Challenge #1: Disney taught me that…

This is my first instalment of this fun challenge I started with 2 friends. You can go read about it HERE if you wanted to (DO IT)

Disney taught me that…

Phoenix gave me this to spark my inspiration, to be honest she could not have chosen a better spark. (Granted she does know me pretty well and this was probably premeditated). If Disney was a love language it would be mine along with touch.
I love Disney movies, Pirates of the Caribbean, Flubber, Coyote Ugly, I mean can anyone listen to Pour Some Sugar On Me without wanting to dance on a burning bar?

Do we serve water in this bar?

Yes, these movies are amazing but most of all I LOVE LOVE animated movies.

The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King (of course), these movies are all filled with whimsy, fantasy and just enough reality to make you think about your own life in a certain way. Disney movies teach many lessons and not everyone has the same experience.

Kind of like Biology class in highschool, just after doing a lesson on the male reproductive organ (ahem… PENIS). The guys are 10/10 making jokes, the girls are blushing and there’s always one student who is aiming for an A that asks awkward questions about prostate examinations. Looking at you, Andrew.

Anyway I digress, let’s let that rabbit go.

Down the rabbit hole.

Little Disney reference there for you.

Lets get to it… I’ma share the lessons that Disney taught me (I bet it’s not what you think):

1. My memory is not as shit as I thought.

Anyone who knows me can attest to this next part: my life is a movie quote. I know so many movie quotes that sometimes I forget that what I am saying is a movie quote until I stumble upon it in a movie. It’s not just movies it’s series as well, but that’s not what we are talking about now. (focus, woman). Now if I could harness that brain power in my work and study life I would be a force to reckon with.

2. You are NEVER too old to watch animations

As I’ve mentioned I love animated movies (this included Pixar and Dreamworks… I don’t discriminate).
Animations carry you off to a land far far away. It takes you Under the Sea with only the Bear Necessities so that you can Let It Go, be Part of their World and Be Their Guest.
It’s A Whole New World where you can paint with all the Colours of the Wind.
You might have questions like “When will my Life Begin” or you might find yourself asking someone “Do you Wanna Build a Snowman” but you know in your heart that animations help you Go the Distance and that this is all part of the Circle of Life.
Not gonna lie, I’m rather proud of that, must be because I’ve got a Dream and A Dream is a Wish your Heart makes… okay I’ll stop.

3. All characters in Disney can SING!

I wonder if all these Disney characters went to the Mickey Mouse Club with Britney, Christina and Justin. Look, it makes me want to sing too and for some reason these songs are dang catchy. Have you tried saying “you’re welcome” without a melody since you first watched Moana?

Erm… You are WELCOME. This song be stuck in your head now.

4. Your imagination is important and should be kept active

Ever watched a movie and thought “How cool would it be if that shit could really happen?” Mary Poppins for instance… click your fingers and your room tidies itself. Believe in fairies and you can fly. Carry a heart in a jar of dirt and you are safe from a water dwelling squidface. Disney movies take your imagination on a wild ride. I don’t know about you, but to me the world could use some magic, a little Spoon full of Sugar, a little fairy dust. It’s a bleak wild world out there and that world kills the child inside. As Walt Disney himself once said:

Too true Mr. Disney. Too true.

5. Finally, Disney taught me that your dream is stable if your foundation is stable.

I recently learnt that Walt Disney was a Christian and had a dream that the Magic Kingdom would be a place where people could feel God or encounter his presence. Now I have never been to the Magic Kingdom but I am sure it is amazing. Walt’s dream still lives years after he has passed away, I believe, because his foundation was solid. The Jesus kind of solid and that gives me hope.

What has Disney taught you?

The Lockdown Challenge

I am probably not the only blogger that had this idea, but I am the first amongst my blog friends.
What’s the idea you ask?
Well, it goes like this, you find some fellow bloggers or writers and you give them either a quote, a picture or a word to spark their inspiration to write. I have 2 close friends that enjoy recreational writing and on Saturday I put the challenge to them.

I got the idea when I spoke to one of these close friends about my previous blog post. This particular friend has her own brand spanking new blog, Wonder in the Wild, and I thought it would be a great place for her to start. The other challenger also has a blog, but for the time being she is going to just write for herself. Just to practice, exercise the ol’ writing brain.

To *Phoenix my spark was this:

Being an introvert during lockdown with a house full of extroverts

I gave her 48 hours to complete it and she did not disappoint.
You can go read her post here, she gives quite a few tips for introverts (or anyone actually) on how to deal with being in quarantine. Goodness knows we all need a few tips on how to get by so that we don’t go stir crazy.

Phoenix gave me this as a spark:

Disney taught me that…

Read my post about it here.

To *Kim (friend who will be doing some private writing) I gave this as a spark:

I am excited to read what she comes up with, I also gave her 48 hours to complete it.

Kim’s spark to me is:

Sugar and spice and all things nice

And THIS post will be here on Wednesday.

Any of you fellow bloggers that would like to get in on the challenge with me, I would LOVE to hear from you. Or you can always use one of the sparks I mentioned as your own inspiration. If you do, I would love to read your blog, please leave your link in the comments below.

I think this would be a great way to keep fellow bloggers inspired and spread positivity during this time of uncertainty.

*I changed their names… because I can.

Community living

We just went into lockdown for 21 days, days before lockdown I obtained 2 new housemates (and another one to join in a few weeks), I have decided to make a pros & cons list** of living with people who aren’t family (family is a whole different pressure cooker of fish, a post for a different day, I think)

Pros

Company
During this social distancing and lockdown period company is probably the best thing. Especially for my particular brand of extrovert.

The longest I can go without seeing another human being or speaking to one is a 2 day weekend… I am purposefully not saying 48 hours because that is a lie as well. These current memes are on point…

We really don’t

Shared workload
Look, tidying or cleaning a 5 bedroom house by yohself is no joke. It takes long, it’s tedious and you end up doing only the dishes and tidying the kitchen and the bathroom.

Having more people means more hands, means lighter load.

Different meals (Also see cons)
Having more people in the house also means we take turns cooking (or that’s the intention). I am looking forward to not having to cook each night (I still enjoy cooking and I intend to keep it that way).

Freedom
… to go housesit or sleep over at a friend (yes, adults still do sleepovers) or party till 4am. When you have pets you can’t just up and leave, BUT if you have pets AND live with other people, that sorts out the problem of animals being fed and not being alone at night.

Saving
Can you say CARPOOL? I freakin hope so, I mean you are reading this and if you are reading this you should be able to say what you read… basic early childhood development stuff. (I assume)

Yes, carpool. Carpool means saving on fuel costs and at a time where a litre of fuel costs more than a loaf of bread… you have to try and save as much as possible.

Cons

Different meals (Also see pros)
Living with 2 guys… so I am not exactly sure what to expect apart from a bowl of 2min noodles or some egg on toast. But, food is food. This is not a sexist statement… it is a factual statement based on what I know of these guys. So don’t @ me. The one guy is a typical bachelor who barely cooks for himself, the other is fresh out of school and his mom’s house. I know what to expect (hey, I am more than okay with being surprised)

People… ALWAYS
Even extroverts need some no-people time. Living with other people means that does not happen unless either you or they stay in the room the whole time. Thankfully this is a big house.

Different habits
Doesn’t matter who you are sometimes someone’s odd habit will irritate the crap out of you. You know people have different habits but that doesn’t make them leaving every light in the house on while they sit outside, easier to handle. Let’s be honest, it’s not difficult to handle either, if it is something like leaving lights on, then speak to the person. If it is dropping a nuclear bomb in the bathroom… well maybe learn what their bowel schedule is so you can time it.

No naked Thursdays

Yeaaaahhhh…

** This is not an exhaustive list nor is it set in stone and is subject to change as the tides change, as the moon changes and as the mood changes… after all I am a woman!

The nations favourite friend…

2019, happunyah (read happy new year)… good, now that’s out the way.

Comedy Central South Africa has been airing reruns of FRIENDS (the BEST sitcom of all time, ever) and it had a vote going that ended on the 20th (I started writing this post before then, so now it’s probably not that relevant, but my momma didn’t raise no quiter). The vote is for the nation to chose their favourite friend… Here is why I have a problem with that:

Chandler is CLEARLY going to win!!! There isn’t much else to say about it than that, but I have plenty to say about WHY Chandler will win. We’ll start with a hors d’oeuvre of process of elimination where we take apart the other 5 friends, then we’ll skip the entrées and go straight for dessert with reasons why Chandler is the best friend. (Sorry Phoenix, I think you agree though)

So, in the words of Lumière,

What better way to make someone look great than to point out the flaws of those closest to them. I think it might be a sort of a cheerleader effect (thank you How I Met Your Mother). For the sake of short attention spans we’ll keep it to a maximum of 2 flaws each, starting with:

Ross

He is a needy *insert Samuel L Jackson’s favourite word here*

When something goes wrong for him, he SHOWS it. That needy someone-punched-me-in-the-gut “HI”. Or how he starts dating Rachel after having the worlds longest crush on her, and then within a year manages to make her so angry that she thinks they should take a break… from each other. OR how he starts dating another woman and takes said woman on a weekend away with the other friends including Rachel. Only to (nearly) get back together with Rachel that weekend.

WE WERE ON A BREAK!!

Anyone who calls themselves a FRIENDS fan will know this line. Will know the origin and the aftermath of this line. Here’s why I think Ross is a dumbass because of this line.
He starts dating Rachel, love of his life. She says they should take a break… That SAME NIGHT he sleeps with someone else. I don’t care if you are on a break, if you love someone you don’t sleep with someone else and use “we were on a break” as an excuse.

It just makes sense to have Rachel next

I have a whole post dedicated to Rachel, go read it here. I feel it may be overkill if I hash it all out again. I’ll put an insert from the post here for those lazy ones.

Here’s why I say Rachel is a BEEP BEEP… yeah ok. Bitch: End of S04 Phoebe is muchos pregnant and can’t go with the others to London for Ross’ wedding. After getting an invite from Ross (which, you know, is a bad idea) Rachel decides to stay in NYC to “look after Phoebe” as going to Ross’ wedding would just be too painful. I can’t stress enough at HOW PREGNANT Phoebe actually is… she’s carrying triplets people, TRIPLETS!!! In fact she is so close to popping that in S05 a few days after the others are back from London she goes into freakin labour… THAT PREGNANT!

– The one where Rachel sucks

Monica

She is now married to Chandler so by default she is probably not all that bad… BUT,

The OCD

There is an episode where Chandler tries to make her life less stressed by tidying the entire flat. Top to bottom. Only for Ross to remind Chandler that he might die if he doesn’t put everything exactly the way he found it. Monica comes home and immediately notices stuff out of place. Not that it is tidy or anything, it’s just out of place.

Competition

Need I remind you of the thanksgiving episode where they play football and Monica and Ross are outside in the snow holding on to the football while the others are inside, where it is warm, eating nice yummy food? Yeah I thought so. Monica is crazy competitive, which is ordinarily not a flaw but when it comes to catching pneumonia then it can be. Remember the ping-pong match between her and Mike? Yeah it went on forever and the only thing that stopped her was injury.

Phoebe

Flawed moral code 

She doesn’t eat meat and she doesn’t want animals to be killed… yet, she eats meat when she’s drunk and while pregnant and she wore a fur coat (for a while). Clearly her moral code is there, when it’s not being threatened by fur coats and steak.

I honestly can’t think of another flaw…

Joey

Player

During the course of FRIENDS Joey slept with 51 women in 10 years. From what I can remember he only dated 3 of these women he slept with.

Sponge

During the run of FRIENDS you see Chandler loaning money to Joey for various things. Getting head shots for his acting career etc. Yet, when Joey makes it big (briefly) he doesn’t ever pay Chandler back, nor does he seem to make an effort to.

Now for the dessert… Chandler is the best friend – why?

Hilarious

Some of the best lines uttered in the show is from Chandler. He is quick witted and oozes sarcasm.

Big heart

He is constantly there for the other friends. As mentioned before, he loans Joey a crap tonne of money. He marries Monica, lets be real, when Tom Selleck and Jon Favreau didn’t do it, there didn’t seem to be much hope for Monica. He gets Phoebe a job as his assistant when she really needs one. Him and Joey give Ross a place to stay when he loses the flat after the whole saying the wrong woman’s name at the altar. (Damnit Ross)

All in all, by my calculations, Chandler is my favourite friend and should be crowned as the nation’s best friend.

Do you agree? Who would you chose?

PS. The results aren’t out yet, I will update as soon as it is.

Reblog of the week: A NOT so plastic-free, plastic-free July

I have a really good friend who is a huge inspiration when it comes to being more environmentally friendly, more zero waste and more minimalist. She started a blog, which I’ve been telling her to do for years now, cos she has some hard earned wisdom to share…

Please show some love and pop over to her blog.

via A NOT so plastic-free, plastic-free July

 

Swamp thing

I had this grand idea of writing and publishing 30 posts in 30 days… Yeah!!! It hasn’t exactly been going all that well.

I have been SWAMPED and, if I’m being totally honest, I’ve been lazy. In my mind, all I can imagine doing after work is vegging in front of my laptop watching Scrubs (you remember that show? You should. It’s freaking brilliant!)

Scrubs is a brilliant show, enough of the feels to make you nearly cry but then it turns it right back around with a Coxism or a JD daydream. It’s feel good and it needs to be watched by all people all the time, alongside Friends. I mean, who needs these new series or the 11th season of Grey’s Anatomy? Who needs to know what happens when winter finally gets here? I’ll just stick to the good ol… er… oldies. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Come now, Judith!!

Where was I? Oh yes, swamped. I tried being a blogging factory popping one out every day and for a bit there I did well… Till work and studies could no longer be ignored and I had to get deadlines and exams out of the way. See these things were interfering with my schedule of doing pretty much nothing. Ok, no, that’s a lie, I didn’t do nothing. Although, now I AM doing nothing which is the whole reason I am not getting to my 30 posts thing.

I’m not one for these personal insight kinda posts but I felt it needed some explanation, and I felt guilty. I feel guilty most days, everything I do is overshadowed by some form of guilt. Watching series, ‘You should be studying” buying ANYTHING “You should be saving‘ eating my fourth bag of chips that week, “I’m just here working on your will, since you’ll be dead soon because of that unhealthy shit’. The guilt is real and it’s everywhere.

So, on that note, I will try and write a post a day for the next few days. Don’t hold me to it tho, cos I’m still quite swamped.

Quoting Dylan – From Where?!

*First of all, I broke the thing, It’s been rough being a part time student, full time working adult and full time gypsy*

My previous post was basically just me, being me. Quoting Dylan at people who did nothing to deserve it!! *You are WELCOME*.

Now I see how well I did…

1. “What are children? Midget drunks. The kind of people who wake you up by kneeing you in the face.”

ACTUAL: “What are they really? Children? Midget drunks. That’s what they are. You know, the odd people who greet you in the morning by kneeing you in the face, talking gibberish” *Not off to a good start, are we*

2. “You measure what good a time you had by how much it f@#$ you up. You go out, get ripped, get shit faced. The next morning you are asked, “how was last night?” and you say, “It was fantastic, I can’t see. I have no sense of sensation, no feeling, no sensation on the left side of my body. I can’t even form sentences. You should have come, you would’ve at least lost an ear.”

ACTUAL: “you measure what a good time you had by how much it f@#$ you up; you go out tonight, get ripped, get shitfaced. You’ll wake up tomorrow and somebody will talk to you and ask, “How was last night?” You’ll say, “It was fantastic! …I can’t see. No sens— no feeling, nothing, no sensation down the left side of my body. Oh! I can’t even form sentences! You should’ve come; you would’ve at least lost an ear!” *Listen, that one is pretty damn close, if I do say so myself.*

3. “This was also a time where a woman, I am talking about a real woman here, would open a hat box full of old memories. The curly-wurly wrapper that meant so much. The bundle of letters to painful to look at OR throw away. They need to be kept so that they can never be looked at again. A 9 speed, dual shaft, triple action… no that was a different time, a different time.”

ACTUAL: *I got the snippets wrong on this one and some of the wording… go have a look.*

4. “Australia, why would anybody want to go there? It’s located ¾ of a mile from the surface of the sun. People audibly crackling as they pass you on the street. That’s why you don’t need to cook down there. You just bring the shit out, throw it on a grill and it bursts into flames. And if they don’t do that, they fling themselves into the sea, which is almost exclusively inhabited by things designed to kill you. Sharks, jelly fish, swimming knives, they’re all in there.”

ACTUAL: *OK, it’s a long one so just watch the clip, again I left some parts out.*

5. “People say that to you in your life, they go, “I love you, I love you.” “Yeah? Bring me a f@#$ing eclair.”

ACTUAL: “You know, people say that to you: “I love you, I love you!” Yeah? Gimme a f@#$in’ eclair.” *So close*

6. “They’re not sophisticated. You are there, with the grandfather clock between your pajamaed knees staring at the mother f#$%er, thinking “please go home”. Look, I know we have had 7 or 8 bottles of wine and a half a bottle of whiskey, but I think you should drive, I do, I really do. I will personally cello-tape your hands to the wheel. Please go away from here.”

ACTUAL: *I am beginning to think that I should not have done this… but then I am also a bit impressed and a bit worried about how well I do remember these*

7. “I know what you are thinking. Oh, do you? Do you really? I know what I am thinking too. I am thinking I’d like to be face down in a cushion, with my mouth filled with chocolate, and something lovely happening to my lower half.”

ACTUAL: “I know what you are thinking. Oh, do you? Do you really? Well done. I know what you’re thinking too. I know what everybody’s thinking. They’re thinking, I’d like to be lying face-down on a cushion… with my mouth full of chocolate… and something lovely happening to my lower half.” *I mean, that’s not bad*

8. “Don’t open the door, because it won’t be like that. What you will probably find is a tiny startling blind cat with diarrhea, sitting on a mattress less, iron sprung bed, with his huge eyes meowing at you. As an emphysemic landlady untangles her pop socks and a guy turns the corner with an aubergine wearing a string vest going bashabasha ba… *making kissing noises*. That’s your potential.”

ACTUAL: *It’s a long one, I got it quite wrong… the video is FUNNY so go check it out*

9. “Wine, you have one of two bottles and then one of you says, “I know, I know, I know… let’s go potholing, in Croatia.” And you think, “Fine, I know a guy who can give us a lift. ME. Whiskey, turns you into 2 people, one goes up to total strangers and says, “come in come in sit down, for goodness sake have something, have my bed. And the other can co up to someone you have known and loved your entire life and says, “Get the F@#$ out of my house. Go on. Get out… and leave a tip.” Vodka is a very deceptive drink, they could market this to children. You can’t taste it you can’t smell it, why did we waste our money on a – why are we on a traffic island? Gin, gin is very dangerous. You need to be careful with gin, you also need to be 50, female and sitting on the stairs. “Nobody likes my shoes. I made, I made FIFTY F#$%ING vol-au-vents and not one of you, NOT ONE OF YOU, said thank you.” or “Everybody shut up, SHUT UP, this song is all about me”

ACTUAL: *Again with the long one, at this point you are just watching a long Dylan Moran show. Didn’t do too badly, left some stuff out.*

10. “Children have a lot of purpose in their walk, a walk that says, “I am going over here” and you say, “why are you going over there?” “Because I have a harmonica.” “Why do you have a harmonica?” “I am putting it in the toilet. Enough questions, goodbye.”

ACTUAL: “When they’re walking around, they have a very definite purpose, they’re walking. And it’s a great walk as well, it’s not an adult’s sort of bemused shuffle, it’s that ‘I’m going over here.’ And you say ‘Why are you going over there?’ ‘Because I have a harmonica.’ ‘What are you doing with the harmonica?’ ‘I’m going to put it in the toilet.’ ‘Why are you doing tha—’ ‘Enough questions, goodbye!'” *Not bad*

11. “Men find it difficult talking to woman about childbirth. Because it always starts with a melon. “IMAGINE A MELON!! COMING THROUGH YOUR FACE. F@#$it, stay there, I’ll get a melon, don’t move.”

ACTUAL: “How bad is it? What are we talking about here? “You know how painful is it? Like what? Long weekend in Adelaide? What are talking about here?” And you don’t get an answer, you get anger…and it always starts with the melon…“IMAGINE A MELON!…COMING THROUGH YOUR FACE!…f@#$in’ stay there, I’ll get a melon, don’t move. *Meh*

These are from Monster, What It Is and Yeah Yeah.

PS. Going to try make up for lost time!!

Quoting Dylan!

*First of all, I tried to post this yesterday… didn’t work… Therefore, there will be 2 today, so I don’t break the thing*

I watch a lot of Dylan Moran. When I say a lot, I want you to think about what a lot means, and then multiply that number by like 50.

Who is this Dylan Moran, you ask? Well he is an Irish comedian/actor. He has a wife and children (if his stand-up stuff is anything to go by).

Anyway, I was racking my brain about content for this post (we are on 9 of 30… if you missed the others, click HERE) and I could not think of anything other than how much I wanted to watch Dylan Moran, then I thought, let me challenge myself to a quote-off, since yesterday’s post was about quotes.

So, the aim of the challenge is, I will quote Dylan from his shows and see how close I get to what he actually says. 10 Seems to be a good number, but just to be different let’s make it 11, 11 quotes.

1. “What are children? Midget drunks. The kind of people who wake you up by kneeing you in the face.”

2. “You measure what good a time you had by how much it f@#$ you up. You go out, get ripped, get shit faced. The next morning you are asked, “how was last night?” and you say, “It was fantastic, I can’t see. I have no sense of sensation, no feeling, no sensation on the left side of my body. I can’t even form sentences. You should have come, you would’ve at least lost an ear.”

3. “This was also a time where a woman, I am talking about a real woman here, would open a hat box full of old memories. The curly-wurly wrapper that meant so much. The bundle of letters to painful to look at OR throw away. They need to be kept so that they can never be looked at again. A 9 speed, dual shaft, triple action… no that was a different time, a different time.”

4. “Australia, why would anybody want to go there? It’s located ¾ of a mile from the surface of the sun. People audibly crackling as they pass you on the street. That’s why you don’t need to cook down there. You just bring the shit out, throw it on a grill and it bursts into flames. And if they don’t do that, they fling themselves into the sea, which is almost exclusively inhabited by things designed to kill you. Sharks, jelly fish, swimming knives, they’re all in there.”

5. “People say that to you in your life, they go, “I love you, I love you.” “Yeah? Bring me a f@#$ing eclair.”

6. “They’re not sophisticated. You are there, with the grandfather clock between your pajamaed knees staring at the mother f#$%er, thinking “please go home”. Look, I know we have had 7 or 8 bottles of wine and a half a bottle of whiskey, but I think you should drive, I do, I really do. I will personally cello-tape your hands to the wheel. Please go away from here.”

7. “I know what you are thinking. Oh, do you? Do you really? I know what I am thinking too. I am thinking I’d like to be face down in a cushion, with my mouth filled with chocolate, and something lovely happening to my lower half.”

8. “Don’t open the door, because it won’t be like that. What you will probably find is a tiny startling blind cat with diarrhea, sitting on a mattress less, iron sprung bed, with his huge eyes meowing at you. As an emphysemic landlady untangles her pop socks and a guy turns the corner with an aubergine wearing a string vest going bashabasha ba… *making kissing noises*. That’s your potential.”

9. “Wine, you have one of two bottles and then one of you says, “I know, I know, I know… let’s go potholing, in Croatia.” And you think, “Fine, I know a guy who can give us a lift. ME. Whiskey, turns you into 2 people, one goes up to total strangers and says, “come in come in sit down, for goodness sake have something, have my bed. And the other can co up to someone you have known and loved your entire life and says, “Get the F@#$ out of my house. Go on. Get out… and leave a tip.” Vodka is a very deceptive drink, they could market this to children. You can’t taste it you can’t smell it, why did we waste our money on a – why are we on a traffic island? Gin, gin is very dangerous. You need to be careful with gin, you also need to be 50, female and sitting on the stairs. “Nobody likes my shoes. I made, I made FIFTY F#$%ING vol-au-vents and not one of you, NOT ONE OF YOU, said thank you.” or “Everybody shut up, SHUT UP, this song is all about me”

10. “Children have a lot of purpose in their walk, a walk that says, “I am going over here” and you say, “why are you going over there?” “Because I have a harmonica.” “Why do you have a harmonica?” “I am putting it in the toilet. Enough questions, goodbye.”

11. “Men find it difficult talking to woman about childbirth. Because it always starts with a melon. “IMAGINE A MELON!! COMING THROUGH YOUR FACE. F@#$it, stay there, I’ll get a melon, don’t move.”

These are the ones I can remember the best. I am not sure how well I did, I will do the actual quotes tomorrow later for comparison. I’ll also put the stand-up show in which he says the quote.

Stay tuned.

(I did the comparison – here you go)

It rarely pays to take business personally. — Box Thoughts

Emotions are often tough to control. If someone pisses you off, it is hard to take that as not being personal. You are now pissed off, does it matter why? It really does matter. Many people have two (or more) sides to their personality. Home version – what they are like with friends and family. […]

via It rarely pays to take business personally. — Box Thoughts

Just doing a little reposting of some great content I found in my thread. Go give it a read, you know you want to!!!

I am definitely one of those people with 2 personalities, work and home.

It’s nothing personal, it’s just business.

“And I quote”

I thought today I will try a different thing… Ima just throw some quotes at yah. I have been “collecting” these from an app called Brilliant Quotes. This app has a setting that you can chose to receive a daily quote at a certain time and then some days it does like a “5 quotes that will make me happy” thing.

I will limit it to 10 though, because if you are anything like me then you already wondered off like Dory singing “Just keep swimming”.. (ha ha ha ha oh oh I love to swiiiiming when you WAAAAAANT to swim you want to… wait… who we talkin’ bout?) So, as I was saying 10 quotes that I have been collecting.

Aaaaaand they’re off:

• Starting with the latest one I saved by Blaise Pascal –  “*a French mathematician, physicist, inventor, writer and Catholic theologian. He was a child prodigy who was educated by his father, a tax collector in Rouen.”

I am sorry I wrote you such a long letter; I didn’t have the time to write a short one.

I love this! Talks about writing letters and it’s witty. Things I appreciate!

• NEXT!! Sticking with the witty, we have a bit of Marilyn Monroe– “*an American actress, model, and singer. Famous for playing comic “blonde bombshell” characters.”

When it comes down to it, I let them think what they want. If they care enough to bother with what I do, then I’m already better than them.

The last bit I don’t completely agree with, the whole “better than them” thing. But I think that’s what people in constant public scrutiny would say. But the confidence and the assurance that other people’s opinions about you don’t shape you is great.

• Now we have a literary genius, he wrote the Narnia books, C.S Lewis – “*a British novelist, poet, academic, medievalist, literary critic, essayist, lay theologian, broadcaster, lecturer, and Christian apologist.”

The safest road to hell is the gradual one – the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.

I’ll leave you with that one…

• On to another great writer, Mark Twain – “*an American writer, humorist, entrepreneur, publisher, and lecturer.”

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.

Anything against fear is speaking my language. Fear holds you back from greatness, aint nobody got time for that.

• Then we get to the great visual artists, who also could paint with words Pablo Picasso – “*a Spanish painter, sculptor, printmaker, ceramicist, stage designer, poet and playwright who spent most of his adult life in France.”

I am always doing what I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it.

Words I will one way live by… (but today is not that day)

• Some more art… martial art with Bruce Lee – “*a Hong Kong and American actor, film director, martial artist, martial arts instructor, philosopher, and founder of the martial art Jeet Kune Do, one of the wushu or kungfu styles.”

Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.

Easy is not always better.

• On to old school philosopher, Socrates – “*a classical Greek (Athenian) philosopher credited as one of the founders of Western philosophy, and as being the first moral philosopher, of the Western ethical tradition of thought.”

Wonder is the beginning of wisdom.

Not entirely sure yet what to wonder about, but I wonder (haha) that if I keep wondering whether I would just become wiser by default? (I make a funny)

• Another philosopher from waaay back when, Aristotle – “*an ancient Greek philosopher and scientist born in the city of Stagira, Chalkidiki, in the north of Classical Greece.”

It is the mark of an educated man to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

In an educated world we still have people arguing about differences of opinion…

• Back to the writers, Oscar Wilde – “*an Irish poet and playwright. After writing in different forms throughout the 1880s, he became one of London’s most popular playwrights in the early 1890s.”

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.

Just some light-hearted stuff again. I think many people think that of themselves.

• We’ll close off with someone who is still alive, John Cleese – “*an English actor, voice actor, comedian, screenwriter, and producer.”

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

Asking the important questions, John!

* Source: Wikipedia

What are some of the best quotes you’ve heard?

 

Friends vs HIMYM 2.0

In August of 2013 (yes, THAT long ago) I wrote a post about the similarities between the AMAZING sitcom Friends and the less amazing (but still amazing) How I Met Your Mother (HIMYM). I would advise you to go read the first one HERE before reading any further. If you have read the first one, then come along. Mind your head and don’t step on the dog.

Here we go again!!

The more I watch these shows the more similarities I stumble upon, and why should I keep this vital information to myself!! That’s just not fair! So, here are some more similarities I have noticed:
How we shared? a mother??

• Throughout Friends, we see Monica and Ross’ mother played by Christina Pickles, it just so happens that Christina Pickles plays Lily’s grandmother in HIMYM. She does not play such a big recurring role but we first see her in S05E09.

Christina Pickles

• Sticking with the mom’s… in Friends, Mike’s mom is played by Christine Rose who also plays Ted’s mom in HIMYM. Is there a possibility that Mike and Ted are brothers?! WHAT!

Christine Rose

Oh, Professor!!

• In Friends, Ross starts out working as a palaeontologists at a museum. But in S06E04 Ross does his first guest lecture at New York University, which turns into a full time gig as a professor at the university.
• Ross then goes on to date one of his students.

Thanks to Ted, I will forever know how to spell PROFESSOR!

• In HIMYM, Ted starts out as an architect, then he tries his hand at having his own firm for a bit, which didn’t work. Then in S05E01, Ted gave his first lecture at Columbus University as… you guessed it, a professor.
• Ted then goes on to date one of his students.

*Side note: Both Ross and Ted start off a bit rocky. Ross, by pretending to be British and Ted, by teaching the wrong class.
YAWN!!

• In Friends, anytime that Ross mentioned dinosaur or bones or talks about his work, the group pretends to fall asleep.
• In HIMYM, anytime Ted gets excited about “intellectual” things the group makes fart noises so as to interrupt him.

Picasso?

• In Friends, Phoebe makes these er… interesting art pieces that Rachel then uses to scare Joey. Phoebe thinks her art is amazing yet the rest of the group obviously does not agree.

Yikes!!

• In HIMYM, Lily also does weird art things, even goes away to learn about art. Again, the group does not share in her enthusiasm about her craft.

Life after

• Jennifer Aniston, who plays Rachel in Friends, has gone on to act in many many movies. Movies such as Horrible Bosses 1 & 2, We’re the Millers, Bounty and more.
• Cobie Smulders, who plays Robin in HIMYM, has also spread her wings in the film industry with major roles in the Avengers movies, there are plenty more but I feel once you hit a Marvel movie you have made it!

The reason this is fitting to this post is as in my first Friends vs HIMYM post I pointed out the similarities between Rachel and Robin.

I still have to finish watching the HIMYM series (yes, I know, I just get busy, ok?) but once I do that, I am sure I will see many more similarities.

Any that I may have missed? Lemme know in the comments below.

Oh, to travel!

Close to 3 years ago I wrote this post about 10 of my bucket list items. Since then some shit has gone down… I still have not ticked anything off BUT I am *hopefully* in my final year of my degree. Yay me. Pass the coffee!

I have things to add to the list, but that’s for a different time. This post right here will be to unpack the first item on my original list… Soooooo, go read THAT post and then come back.

You didn’t go read it, did you? All you do is carbonise and shit on my dreams. Nevermind, here it is!

Travel (this needs a subsection of it’s own)
I want to travel to so many places, and yet I can’t pin point them all and why I want to go there. But for now, I want to travel to Greece to go to the Acropolis, Mt Olympus, go to all the Greek isles, especially Delos, and see where the myths originated from. Ancient Greece is a big fascination of mine!

Yes, so I won’t talk about Greece now, I want to go there, it is beautiful, it is rich (ha… in history). Case closed.

Here are 4 more places I would like to visit, and why:

1. Germany

I was not a big fan of history as a high school student. I remember watching the Third Reich film in high school but I did NOT enjoy it. (This may or may not be because I have a short atten… yes? Can I help you?)

BUT now since I have grown up and learned a bit more about Germany and their role in WWII, I want to be able to go see the country and go to the places where these awful things that shook humanity took place. Germany fascinates me, this huge travesty hangs over them. 75 years later and people are still kinda iffy about Germany.

To lighten the mood… some Dylan Moran.

But look at Germany now, (losing to Mexico in the FIFA World Cup) how they have turned it around for themselves, the industries and advances that has happened because of Germany. Three of the most successful automobile manufacturers hail from Germany (in case you just came out of a very long coma… BMW, Mercedes Benz and Volkswagen). It gives me hope for South Africa, I don’t want to say Apartheid… but I just did.

2. United States of America

I know many people from the States, my aunt is from the States, loads of my friends have gone to the States to live there for a span. And, lets be real, you switch on the TV, it’s American stuff. You turn on the radio, it’s American stuff. I want to go to the factory store where this American stuff is created.

And then it says “Made in China”!

I want to go to Miami, New York and California. One sentence reasons for these are: Miami – It’s hot, it has a beach and Bad Boys was filmed there… what more do you need? New York – Makes me think of the ultimate business empire, could be very inspiring… OR I could be mugged, as a South African that is a weird sentence to type (mugged outside SA… Oh the irony). California – Also hot, but the biggest reason, I want to go to Redding and visit Bethel Church.

3. Israel

I don’t want to do a pilgrimage, I just want to go to the places where Jesus was.  I know a couple who used to be tour guides in Israel taking groups of people basically where Jesus went. I want to go to Jerusalem, the river Jordan, (which I know is in Jordan… duh), Bethlehem, Golgotha. Just all these places. My house mate went to Israel in 2016 and she still talks about it sometimes.

4. Egypt

Pyramids, sphinx, sand. Well, I joke about the last one, a bit. I want to travel here mainly because of 2 reasons. a) The rich history, the fact that a lot of what we as the human race know now, the ancient Egyptians knew loooo-hong ago. They also have a rich mythology, which I find extremely interesting. I want to see the contrast between the desert on the one side of the Nile and the rich forestry on the other.  b) Exodus. Growing up the “Moses story” was one of my favourite stories. It would just be amazing to be there.

That is all… as you were.

*PS: It would be great if you let me know where YOU would like to travel to*