Shoes… GLORIOUS… Shoes

My sister in law requested this post… her quote is… “I am in a love affair with shoes… really.. I get all hot and sweaty when I see a gorgeous pair of shoes.” Me on the other hand have just figured out WHY women need sooooo many pairs of shoes. The reason in my opinion would be that we have so many personalities and each one needs their own special pair. Or maybe its because we need shoes to go with different outfits. Now don’t feel left out guys I know some of you have a secret love for our feet hugging friends, you just won’t admit it and we are all fine with that.

Sister in law’s real request was a post on porn shoes and I have this to say about porn shoes, courtesy of Chris Rock: “Clear heels. When did clear heels become part of the new wh*re uniform? Was there a big ho convention and they all went ‘we need some’in new, some’in that just says NASTY. Oh I know… clear heels. Ooh girl you’re disgusting” Think about it… when have you EVER seen a self respecting woman wear clear heels? Just take a look at those… (just as a funny exercise google clear heels)

AKA Stripper shoes... I would like to know how a stripper... er... strips in these without some breakage.

There is not much to say about porn shoes thought… I dont know WHY the women in porno’s wear shoes to be honest. I don’t really think the guy cares what shoes you are wearing, honey!

Porn shoes dont really have that naughty look about them unless you go look at these...

Porn shoes are RIDICULOUSLY high which probably doesn’t matter… it’s not like dem girls spend a lot of time on their feet… ya know what I’m sayin’? Anyways… here are some.

 

Now we get to the dainty petite pretty shoes, the ones that women go to balls with and wear with a beautiful flowing dress. Usually these shoes are the reason women walk like they are holding in a wee. Why they look like their faces are frozen with that awkward smile on their face and why there is a certain glisten in their eyes. And then people think “oh, shes so overwhelmed that her eyes are tearing up”… NO!!! Its the freakin shoes!

Very pretty and VERY eina!

They look sweet and innocent but these are the main culprits for sprained ankles. No wonder Cinderella left one of hers behind, I think she was about to take the other one off and then the time struck 12. (but her shoes being glass and glass being clear… hey… was she maybe a stripper??? thats putting a twist on a fairy tale.)

Then we get to my personal favorites STILETTO’S… or as I like to call them, the clubbing shoe. Yes I know dancing in these are worse than parading in mr Choo but these are classy and dang sexy. I recently got given these but the best friend EVER…

My Ferrari's... I know they aren't THAT high but they are sexy.

I wore them to work one day and well I didn’t make it. Granted that they were brand new, maar ek moes net. The reasons I like stilettos are as follows… they are sexy, they can be dressed up and dressed down. Kind of naughty but nice. Can be worn to work and then out to the town. These shoes deserve some respect, they are like the drill sergeant of shoes. They demand endurance simply because you want the attention that they get you.

Another favorite would be the pumps… I am tall so wearing stilettos makes me look like Helga the Gladiator and most men are kinda intimidated soo I tend to live in pumps. they are comfy and classy and go with all outfits, dresses, skirts, jeans, formal pants, shorts. PLUS, they are affordable… except if you go to ALDO. C.R.A.Z.Y.NESS!! Boots are also a must. I preffer the calf high boots over some skinny jeans. It ties them all together.

Now men I KNOW you feel a little left out. So here’s some of my thoughts on the men shoes.First up are the “boats” AKA the skater shoes. Popular brands like DC’s, Etnies, VANS all make these types of shoes. We’ve all seen them in play as well. Recently its usually accompanied by skinny jeans, balancing on the outer layer of ass-cheek, and over sized t-shirts. Then we get vellies…those are the more sophisticated of casual shoes. Can be worn with jeans and shorts.Then lastly these…

Very nice...

I do not know what they are called but I love men in these shoes. They are sexy.

So what is YOUR shoe style? Is it stripper, skater or sexy?

Point of View

I read this status on the book of faces today… Babies everywhere and I started thinking. The person (who shall not be named) who wrote said status has been in a long term relationship for, well, a long time. Which led me to thinking, and I’m no expert here, that the life of a human is made up of stages… almost like check points in a game. The life of female and male does not have the same type or amount of check points but they are there. Taunting us. Turning our lives into a constant competition. A fight to make it to the next level before another person. An almost evil game, a race… depends on your point of view obviously.

So this person that had been in a relationship for long now has passed quite a few check points in my opinion. In the female game these are the most obvious check points. 1. Born, 2. Grow teeth, crawl, walk (we check em all at once boys) 3. Grow hair as long as Rapunzel (that’s my little niece’s dream – she’s 4), skip a few until after puberty, then comes the meet a boy part, and the fall in love part, and the date part. Now if you have reached most of the check points then you don’t really bother with them anymore, don’t notice them. Kind of like people who had gone through school… they don’t still go to school and sit around in the classes. They still think back but they move along, just like I am now. Yes, so you start to look for the next check point. The logical check point in your mind… after school comes university or for some getting hammered in some European country on a gap year (Eurotrip comes to mind) and THEN university. So after being in a relationship for a while comes the obvious thoughts of marriage and family and babies.

I don’t notice babies cos they are ugly and well I’m not in a relationship, haven’t played that level yet. Not found the Good Man check point yet so my point of view is different. What I notice is all the lovey dovey stuffs. The couples, the chick flicks, the chocolates, the flowers, the stuffed things and all things romantical or pukey. Not babies, not even puppies (sometimes)… Kittens I notice cos there is nothing and I mean NOTHING as cute as a kitten.

Now the men have about a very basic game with minimal check points and levels which mostly include guns, blood and sex. Kind of like Spartacus (the series)… if they had the imagination (even Spartacus is directed by a woman). Some of the check points would be 1. Born, 2. Grow taller, 3. Find out where this weird attraction to boobs comes from, 4. Touch boobs, 5. Show dominance by kicking the biggest ouks ass, 6. Have sex. And somewhere in between all that, learn to walk. But that is just from a female point of view… you see it’s all about point of view and perspective.

So, if we change the perspective then the game will change… or will it? Or will we miss out on awesome levels in the game and miss all the great things we could have picked up (STD included – which wouldn’t count as great)? Or will we end up in the dragon’s lair sitting on the treasure and no weapon or shield? Ah well, if you don’t play, you won’t know. How’s that for an answer?

Koue=slapeloosheid

Jy ken daai gevoel van rusteloosheid wanneer jy dink iets gaan gebeur, jy weet nie wat nie, jy weet nie wanneer nie, maar jy weet dit gaan gat skop. Dan besef jy dat dit 2am is en dis n Maandag oggend en jy moet die volgende dag werk. Dan begin jou kop dwaal oor die werk wat voorle en next thing you know it’s 4am. Lekker 3 ure se slaap vir jou en sandpapier oe vir die dag. Dis nie so pret om rond te rol in die jong ure van die oggend nie en dit net omdat die seisoene op die oomblik in die tienervase is, waar die temperatuur nie heeltemal of hy warm wil wees of depressief wil wees nie. Weet nie wat om met homself te maak nie so hy spring maar rond soos n marjoenet poppie op E. Deur die dag is dit lekker snoesig warm in die son en matig tot koelerig in die geboue, maar wag net dat daai son gaan slaap dan is dit 3 pare kouse 5 truie en n baadjie en 3 komberse met n warm water sak. En as jy dalk, soos ek, die koue probeer brave, dit te probeer wys wie is baas deur kaalvoet rond te loop dan klim die bliksem in jou bed en gooi droe ysblokkies orals EN kry sy goeie vriende verkoue en griep om jou lewe hel te maak. So jy klim in jou yskoue bed met die 2 komberse en 2 duvets op en beweeg jou bene in die hoop dat die wrywing n vuurtjie sal begin. Seker so n uur later begin jy jou tone voel en dan is dit seker 5 minute en jy sweet asof jy in n sonar is.  Ok, om eerlik te wees dit is darm nog nie sooooo koud nie. Key words: NOG NIE! Dis nou eers April. Ek weet ons het elektriese komberse en so aan maar ons het ook loadshedding en poverty, so ons probeer maar om niet te veel onnodige krag te gebruik nie – Let wel probeer!

So kom ons doen die sommetjies. Dit is nog herfs… Winter begin eintlik eers in Junie. Ons gebruik klaar komberse en warm water sakke. Volgende maand is dit die kagel vure en die serpe en stewels en wollerige pantoffels wat ons dra tot die einde van Augustus. Dis VIER MAANDE SE MISERY!! Ek weet nie heeltemal hoe ek daarmee gaan cope nie. Daar is nie genoeg alkohol in die wereld vir so n hartseer saak nie. (Julle weet alkohol brand baie vinnig). Die enigste upside oor winter is die tonne en tonne Milo en Hot Chocolate wat gedrink word. Milo het amper die krag om my te kry om winter te geniet… amper. In die winter is koffie nie meer goed genoeg nie, Milo. Dit is al wat winter die moeite werd maak. Oh en dan van Augustus af begin almal met post-winter depression. You know what Im talking about. Post-winter depression is wanneer duisende skale kreun onder die ekstra gewig wat aangepak was vir die sogenaamde winterslaap (Hibernation vir daai “trotse Afrikaners”). Die ander ding is, nou dat daar ekstra gewig is pas die somer klere nie meer nie so nuwes moet gekoop word. Weet jy as mens daaraan dink is winter n moneymaking scheme. Mense eet meer kos om te kan deal met die koue, elektrisiteits kostes skyrocket. Sommige mense betaal 3keer meer as wat hulle in die somer sou betaal vir elektrisiteit, klere (winter klere is nie goedkoop nie, al daai wolle en pelse en leer en snoesigheid kos geld), die gym gelde om die post-winter vet af te werk, die groter size klere om jou beter te laat voel, die doktors gelde vir die verkoue en griep EN die therapy by n kopdokter, do tell me is I’m missing something here.

Evensueel kom ons weer op ons I-can-deal-with-this gewig en ons dra weer ons klere wat ons voor die winter gedra het… net betyds vir Februarie. Dit los 1 maand om die hitte ten volle te geniet. Ek dink nie dit is regverdig nie. Hoe hou ons dit elke jaar uit? Klaarblyklik is Kaap Stad nie so koud soos Johannesburg nie. Hoe dit moontlik is weet die Here alleen. Dit reen konstant in die winter daar. Miskien is dit presies hoekom dit nie so koud is nie. Die Kaap se winter is orals koud, in die huis, buite orals. Johannesburg is dit warm buite en vriesend binne. Binne jou bed, binne jou kar, binne jou stort, tot binne in jou bene.

Die koue gee klaar vir my slapelose nagte.

Random things…

Oh what an eventful week…

My car’s head gasket blew, now if what my car did and sounded like before I found out this little snippet of information is anything to go by I will be using the phrase ‘don’t blow a gasket’ a little less. Unless of course there’s a person turning a shade that can only be described as dangerous and there’s smoke coming out of every orifice in their head, you know like on the cartoons – I’m talking GOOD cartoons not like the ones that Cartoon Network is forcing into the minds of our not-so-innocent young. Cartoons like Flinstones, Tom and Jerry, Sylvester and Tweety, Dexter’s Laboratory, 2 Stupid Dogs… you know the old ones. The funny ones. Nowadays’ cartoons are like brain farts… the substances in the screenwriter’s brains that don’t get used and sooo farted out. Buuuuut, that’s a topic for a different blog… (gotta save these things up you know)

Yes, so, car threw a hissy fit… and then my trusty laptop had a meltdown. Kind of like a girl does sometimes… you know one day she will prance around feeling on top of the world and the next she’ll be crying because her car broke down. A friend of mine suspects that it might be the graphics card. My dad says that I just need to download new driver. So I asked him to help me do it, now this is where I go on my knees and that God for how far technology has come and how it has simplified AND complicated our lives comprehensively (that right there is a BIG word). On the one hand there’s talk of graphics cards and drivers and such that was not really around say 10 years ago and on the other hand my dad (who lives 1 600km away in the most awesome city in the world… CAPE TOWN) Can help me fix my computer via Teamviewer. That’s when someone works on your computer from their own computer… freaky stuff. But thank God for technology.

Which brings me to the next part… my new phone. I feel I must admit that I am slightly addicted to the goodness that is Blackberry. Now everyone does not have to agree with me and I’m sure that in the UK and USA that its different but Blackberry in South Africa has a HUGE market. Kind of like the iPhone’s market in USA. Blackberry has been around for ages but up until recently it has been an executive phone – for the on the go, I’m too busy to stop, work-a-holic. Way too expensive and then they brought out the Nokia 3310 of Blackberry’s: The 8520, affordable for EVERYONE. Next thing you know people are going around asking for pins and what not. Had me thinking the world was in a sewing stupor, only to find out about BBM… Blackberry Messenger. Which makes the Blackberry much more affordable. It’s like Skype but for your phone. So if 2 people have blackberries they can send messages, photo’s, voice notes and video clips all for free. Now, I have had bad luck with Blackberries… my first one went on an all coffee diet and lost the will to speak (the microphone died) and the second one got stolen, I’m on my 3^rd blackberry in the space of a year… It hurts me! So now my newest one is a full on touch screen piece of magic. The 9380 Curve… awesome phone. Got a great display, 5 megapixel camera, really accurate letter detection (I made that phrase up) it also types really fast for a touch screen, accurate GPS system, geo-tagging… it can even Skype. Can we say GENIUS!!

Ok enough about the phone… So the new car that I am thinking of getting is (drrrrrrrrum rrrrrrrrrol) the Kia Picanto (the new one) in the blue or the black or maybe the silvery charcoal colour. I found an awesome website www.picantoleaks.com where they talk about Kia and give some interesting information about the production of this awesome little car. It is real affordable as well, brand new it will cost you R99 999… Rounded to a full R100 000. The thing that gets me is insurance, that alone is almost a monthly payment on a car and the fact that I’m under 25 makes it so much more. Honestly, I know 30year olds that drive more recklessly than me and they still pay less than R1 000 on insurance. HOW!!?? WHY!!?? Ah well, some things just have to be that way I suppose. I have 2 more months to save for little Kia (who will be named at a later stage… any ideas?) now if only my car, cell phone and laptop would play along.

Past 2 days…

Sooooooo, yesterday my phone got stolen. In church. Out of my Bible bag. I would not be so angry about it if it had been any other place… but church??? Come on people! Someone’s sick idea of an April Fools joke… And I can’t really say much more about it because that would make me no better that the person who took it. So what I will say is, God bless. Which is about all I can muster at the moment. It just goes to show that just because you stand in a garage doesn’t mean you are a car. So I made peace with it and blocked the sim card and all that. Somehow I deactivated the location thingy on Blackberry Protect so the guys at Vodacom couldn’t find the culprit. So ja…  FUN TIMES… Now, I need to get a new Blackberry (cause let’s face it, blackberry is simply the best… ta da da daaa.. better than all the rest… ahem ok) which is going to be fun since it will be my 3rd one in the space of a year. I don’t wanna talk about it.

Anyways… today on the way home my car the Wonder Mobile just stops. and by stops I don’t mean stall, I mean full on stops. It didn’t tell me that it was gonna stop, it wasn’t overheated  it didn’t even jerk… it just stopped. So after cranking the engine a few times and almost giving up I decided that I’ll just keep my foot down on the petrol pedal while I turn the key in the ignition, I didn’t care if I flooded the engin, the car starts to jerk a bit so I carried on… as I looked out of my rear view mirror I saw a huge cloud of white smoke coming out of my exhaust pipe. The car eventually started but the drive home was really stressful. It stopped again and it was shaking and making weird noises the whole way. The best part is… I. DON’T. HAVE. A. PHONE!!!!!!!

Oh and on Thursday or Friday last week a water pipe BURST, it literally burst… So i had to get a new pipe which cost me R66 at Midas (I off course had to DRIVE there with the car) and drive back to the garage where the awesome attendants put the new pipe in for me. One would think that after 2 pipes being replaced the car wouldn’t overheat again… oh no no no no…that would only happen in a world where ponies eat rainbows and poop out butterflies. But then again I would be riding a pegasus and not NEED water pipes or petrol.

I am desperate to get rid of this car and I am stuck with it for another 2 months. By the end of which I will be a nervous wreck and sitting in a corner of a padded room swaying back and forth holding my legs and saying take it away, take it away, take it away. Or the ulternative would be to find someone who knows his shit when it comes to cars and just fix it and be like… “oh no ma’am, I did it for the fun. You don’t need to pay me…” that would mean I live in unicorn-butterfly-pooping-world. Maybe I should get a motorbike… that should be awesome!! A nice Suzuki GSXR or a Honda Fireblade or the Yamaha R1  just anything other than my Honda Balade. I am counting the days till I can get a new car… saving for said new car is proving impossible what with all these curve spin balls coming at me.

So I’m praying up a storm… It shall be my cricket bat. BRING IT ON!!