DEADPOOL: My Biased Review

25 February 2016 will forever be a day that is celebrated and revered as THE day that I watched Deadpool for the first, and definitely not the last, time. I remember when it first got announced that they were MAKING Deadpool and that Ryan Reynolds (oh mama) would be playing the Merc with a Mouth. In my opinion, NO ONE ELSE would be able to play DP better and Ryan already had that schpeel as DP in X-Men Origins, which we do not speak of here, but he redeemed himself… in the most gloriously graphic and beautifully violent way.

To understand my obsession with DP, I will take you on a journey to the year 2002… the first time I laid eyes on the marvel (see what I did there) that is Ryan Reynolds.

Write that down!

It’s hilarious and it shows a PRE-gravitational force Tara Reid… Ahem. Then just 2 years later in 2004 he looked like this…

“I ate a lot of garlic and I just farted. Silent but deadly”

I mean, come on, surely that is super impressive on ANY level!? He is hilarious in ALL the movies that I have seen him in and if you have not watched Blady Trinity, do yohself a favour and watch it. It’s really good. Obviously Reynolds has a superhero physique and he definitely has the  humor to pull of the Merc with a Mouth.

My first encounter with DP was in X-Men Origins, it was a rather disappointing encounter and I never really paid much more attention to DP after that, who wants a Merc with NO mouth, where is the humour??? This is the part where I apologise to all the die hard DP fans who knew everything about him BEFORE Hollywood decided he needs his own movie. I would be honoured to be counted among your elite numbers and learn your ways, also, I would love to hear your thoughts on the movie.

Oh, it’s spectacular!

My thoughts on the movie are simple… IT. IS. AMAZING!! It did not in any way disappoint, you know how sometimes if a trailer is brilliant then there’s nothing left for the movie? Yeah, that is so not the case here. Right from the start it is hilarious and by that I mean the opening credits. (Are you taking notes?) The action, the bloody marvelous action and for the males reading this, the women. The quick witted, next level type comedy, that only Reynolds would be able to pull off. Everything around this movie is brilliant, right from the trailers, teasers and campaign for the movie, to the actual movie itself.

I do not want to spoil anything for anyone who has not watched it. Please go watch it, your life will be enriched. PRO TIP: Watch the trailers right before watching the movie… it’s like stretching before you exercise, gets the blood flowing and gets you all excited. Oh and FFS, stay till after the credits. Don’t be the THAT guy. ALL MARVEL MOVIES HAVE POST CREDIT SCENES!!! Sheesh noobie!

You look like an avocado that had sex with an older avocado!

Best of all… it has been announced that a Deadpool 2 for 2017 is in the works. YAAAASSSSS!!! And it’s rumoured there might be a PROPER Deadpool / X-Men crossover.

Thank you 9GAG!

 

NEVER stop!!

This adult student theme seems to be a stuck record, it could be worse… Funk Soul Brother could be stuck at that “Right here, right now” part. That shit would just be too much. As per usual, I refer to my good friend (he doesn’t know it yet, but we are, totally, like, BFF’s) Dylan Moran.

Back to what I’m trying to say, become an adult student, never stop learning. Once you get that bee in your bonnet to start studying again, it’s like going into the store room of your brain where all previously important junk is stored and having to find all the parts of your brain that would work together to get you to learn new things. You know the room of which I speak, for some it’s the garage. Where the treadmill and spinning machine parts are, because yoh fat ass decided it was taking up too much space but, “I can’t sell it or throw it out because I will totally use it again”. If you just carried on using those things in the first place, yoh ass wouldn’t be fat. Same with your brain, I believe that the brain is a muscle (medical peeps, I do know it’s NOT) but if you look at how it works, surely it can be classified as a muscle? Quick “brain muscle” Google search came up with this:

New research shows that the brain is like a muscle. It gets stronger with practice. Scientists have been able to show just how the brain grows and gets stronger when you learn. Scientists have shown that, when people study hard and learn new ways to study, their brains change and grow. – Grow Your Brain | Khan Academy

On that note, I challenge you, learn something knew! Work that muscle! You want to learn to speak another language? Learn to take the perfect photo for that Instacrap thing? Learn  to dance? Learn how to paint or draw? Learn to play a musical instrument? Start doing it. I watched this TED ED video about how the speaker learned how to play the guitar in 20 hours. He explains that you can learn a new skill in 20 hours… that’s 1hour a day for 20 days – you learn your new skill within a month. Obviously things like learning a language would take slightly longer, but get started again at least. Watch this for some motivation:

Sorry, what’s that excuse you have? Oh you don’t have money. You don’t have time.

LOVE Will Smith

Yeah that’s right… bull shit! We live in the information age, people. You have the entire world of information literally at your fingertips!! Thank God for internet. You don’t need money to learn most things, there are endless tutorials on YouTube, endless experts (albeit self-proclaimed) taking the time to write down or video their skill to help others. Obviously you have internet, because you are reading this post.

And I don’t believe that you have no time… again, you are reading this post. So you are obviously just browsing through the internet. (Unless you are part of my elite following and you eagerly await my next piece of brilliance). What about all the time you spend watching series? Movies? Playing games… yeah looking at you CoD, LoL, WoW, and so on fans. What about the Facebook, Instagram, Twitter time? What about all the hours of sleep? Wait, before you yell at your computer that you need your beauty sleep… Studies show that adults (folks older than 18) need at the least 7 hours of sleep. I know that sleep is good for you and those around you, but too much sleep is bad for you. I heard someone say:

” People are afraid of death, yet they spend a third of their lives asleep”

Think about that!

Love this clip on Madagascar…

Stop making excuses why you are not pursuing your dreams. People aren’t interested in your excuses, it’s your results that WOW them.

Never stop learning!

Harsh Realities…

… of starting to study towards a career as an adult.

I might make a Harsh Realities series of posts… we’ll see how far my commitment to the cause goes.

If, like me, you didn’t quite know what you wanted to be known as (apart from THE LOUD FRIEND) by your friends and family when you stepped out of high school. And your parents also didn’t quite know what to do with their genius but lazy rebellious child. You traveled the world… ok, like a bit of southern Africa and the UK… worked a few jobs. Till you found yourself being 25 and in the middle of a quarter life crisis, looking at younger more accomplished people, traveling to places like Prague and Croatia!! That’s when you realise, this brain cannot go to waste, you shall conquer some field of study, get a degree and build a career. Onward and upward, baby!!

BAM!!! Watch me go… 

Only flaw in your plan is, you is an adult!! You has adult responsibilities and adult bills to pay. Lucky for you, (me in this case) UNISA (University of South Africa) is a distance learning facility that is considerably cheaper than most other universities in the country. Distance learning enables you to still adult on with your life during the day, and by night… you can be Study Girl/Boy… If ever there was a useless superhero, THIS would be it. I feel that even Tutor Boy/Girl would be a better superhero.

Actually… this one is worse!! I mean wow!

Your life is now way more interesting, you’re struggling to juggle the pre-student life that you lived (with it’s set of responsibilities, both social and emotional) with the now student life of assignments, studying and oh yes, PAYING FOR YOUR OWN DAMN STUDIES. Cos you is an adult and adults pay for their own shittuff.

Then you realise that the line of work you are in does not coincide with the degree you are studying towards. Job hunting can now be added to the list of things that you, as an adult, now have to do for yourself. As most of us know, job hunting is a rather unrewarding exercise. In this case, the case where you are studying TOWARDS the degree that the company needs you to have BEFORE they consider you for the position, it is even worse. You’ve been in the working adult pool for a while, you have grown accustomed to it’s depths, now you have to go to the kiddie pool… have you SEEN what kids do in a kiddie pool???

Honestly, kids have all the damn fun!! 

Come with me, if you please, imagine you are working as a teacher and you feel that arguing with a bunch of know-it-all teenagers, all day everyday, has boosted your lawyering skills and you feel like studying a law degree is the thing for you. Entry level law internships pay next to nothing, if they pay at all. You have absolutely no actual experience to offer the field (lesbihonest, it’s not like arguing with teenagers is any form of lawyer experience, maybe for parenting?) and you haven’t got the degree yet either. This makes you less of a commodity and more of a liability to them, instead of just training you they have to train, teach AND spoon feed you.

It doesn’t work that way…

I get that, I really do, but as an adult there is little to no time to be playing around in the internship pool. One cannot pay for rent, food, car, petrol, medical stuffs, SCHOOL and all the wine one would need to cope with the stress of not being able to pay for everything, with an intern’s salary. Ok, maybe you find a company willing to spoon feed and teach/train you (bless their hearts) bet money, they are most certainly not willing to match your salary. Now you are faced with the dilemma… do you finish your degree and only THEN start working in your chosen field, making the whole thing take so much longer. Or, do you cut costs, stop eating, start walking everywhere and take that internship?

Working towards that career!!

All of that aside, there is the case of, no parents to FORCE you to study as in the days of old. You have to discipline yourself, buddy, AND distance learning comes with the added benefit of you being your own teacher. Sure, they offer classes, during your working hours. So yay!! Also, all your adult friends want to do adult stuff like cheese and wine parties and stuff, (not really cheese and wine parties, it just sounded better than drinking games and crackers parties), to which you can no longer go because “studies”. You are now known as the hermit friend, the friend that no one sees anymore apart from when you are in search of food, or a highlighter. Truthfully, your friends and family would probably be super supportive and understanding. Because, hey, they have done what you are now doing. It’s the friends who are not in your age pool that are less sympathetic and more “Dude, you are boring now”.

Welcome to the 1st annual Study Games!

If you are studying towards a degree and you consider yourself an adult (click here to see if you qualify in my mind). Props to you, my friend, may the force be with you, may the odds be ever in your favour. May you receive a spirit of wisdom and revelation. May you KICK ass!

So you think you can adult?!

What age should really be classified as the official becoming of age, er, age? 18? 21? 25? It can for damn sure not be 18. I am unclear as to my own reasons for why that is, but for now, that is my verdict. In some cases it can be 21, no wait, I don’t think that is possible. Maybe it is 25. Maybe it is not an age thing at all but rather a mindset thing. Maybe its both age and mindset.

That’s when it hits you!!

Whichever it is, there should be basic tests to mark one as fit for adulting around and being proud of it. Yes, I just turned adult into a verb, because being an adult means DOING SHIT FOR YOURSELF!!! It means waking yourself up, dressing yourself in anything other than a superhero cape and underwear and getting yourself to that job you hate but appreciate because adults work and earn a living as responsible cogs in the machine that is society. Adults pay rent at a house that is not their mother’s or anywhere on their parent’s property… listen, Prince Harry, if you are reading this then I’m sure you have a whole other set of rules and stuff that qualifies you as an adult and you for damn sure don’t need to pay rent at Buckinham Palace, although living with your grandma is kinda weird. Just saying!

So how do you know you are operating on Adult Turf? If you start budgeting with your income, that might be a sign. Wait wait, if you have income that is enough to budget with, that is. Another sign might be that all your school time friends are either engaged, or married, or have kids or all of the above. Hey, you might find yourself being engaged or married or with child… that’s a clear sign that you adulting like a BOSS!

Just like Spongebob with his adult tie!!

If you have ever uttered the phrase “When I was younger…” while referring to a period of time more than 5 years ago, you, my friend, are swimming in the adult pond. Welcome, we don’t know what we are doing here or how we got here, the ones over by the lily pads seem to have things figured out, they have those sustainable income things with investments , insurance and such. Try and stay afloat while the rest of us figures out what a bond is!

If you have ever during the search for a new job, because you have been at your current job for over 5 years (another indication of the state of adultship) and you feel it’s time for some growth, as is expected of adults, find yourself asking a potential employer whether the job has perks like medical and pension, you are most definitely an adult. Children or teens or, as I call anyone under 21, SCUM… do not spare any though towards aging. To them the concept is foreign and other worldly. They also don’t think of medical aid, because, “Broh, I can totally jump over all 5 of you guys with these iceskates on. No I’m not drunk, I’ve only had like 10 tequilas, you know my limit is like 15, shut up and lay down!” Dylan Moran says that you don’t really become and adult, adults are just tall children holding a beer!

If you can read comments or a blog (like this one) and not get angry or feel insulted by content that differ from your point of view or seem slightly insulting in it’s humour, you might be an adult. If you can refrain from sending that oh-so-innocent passive-aggressive status about your views that clearly differ from someone else’s views and you just sold your balls on Ebay which prevents you from speaking to that person directly, then you win at being an adult.

I however, even though I pay my own rent, get myself to work, dress myself and budget with my salary, am not an adult… I refuse to adult. It is a trap!!