Guest write…

I am to be an occasional tweede (second) girl on this amazing blog.

Please go and check it out. I think it’s quite cool.

Memories with Jane!

Memories with Jane!

Thank you, dankie!!

Sh!t happens and then you grow!

Walking to and from work has proven to be a philosophical experience… here is why:

In the beginning of spring time everything smells like manure, everyone chucks the stuff over their grass cos it all died in the winter. End of last week one of the offices I walk past covered their very dead very yellow grass with cow sh!t. The smell is awful and the stretch of grass just exceeds my lung capacity for holding my breath so I gotta tough it out.  What I did notice is that after about 2 days of the manure on the grass new super green grass started sprouting, now a week later its almost picnic worthy… almost cos there is still manure all over.

So the philosophical experience I got is as follows:

Sometimes you need to be covered with sh!t to grow, especially during the rough times. When you are at your lowest and the only way is up. Yes, you will stink, emotionally and sometimes even physically (it happens), yes people won’t necessarily want to spend time with your stinky ass, but it makes you grow. While you are in your sh!itty position don’t shy away from good things tho, I mean, that grass wouldn’t grow at all if it wasn’t watered and didn’t get the sunshine thats needed.

Yes water and sunshine on it’s own will help you grow but add the crap of life and you grow sooo much faster.

On a semi-related note…

Funny stuff…

Weigh-Less Contin.

Go Jane Go!! Loving the progress that you are making…

TweeGirls EenBlog

It’s been a while since I last updated ya’ll on how it’s going with Weigh-Less.

The first week of Step 1 was hard. Really hard. Going from 2 GnTs a night and the odd beer here and there, not to mention all the amazing coffee that Husband supplies me with, to total deprivation sucks the big one. I felt empty, nay bereft! of those things for which I feel real love.

As hard as that sounds, though, it was nothing compared to my first Saturday on WL. You see, Husband and I have this amazing weekend ritual. We ALWAYS start our weekend with the most incredible breakfast. Omelettes, or pancakes, french toast, scrambled egg and bacon, smothered with cheese, syrup, basil leaves, haloumi, olive oil, hot sauce, butter…

MAN ALIVE, SATURDAY WAS HARD!

But I survived. I maintained my cool, calm aura of self-control. I did not accidentally spill my…

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The land of 2 seasons

All my fellow Jo’burgers will know what I am talking about. Jo’burg has 2 seasons, Fire and Ice, Lemon & Herb and Hot-as-Hell, Fireballs and Chappies… you get the picture. Not summer, autumn, winter, spring! Summer and winter. If you are not from Jo’burg or even South Africa then let me ‘splain this to you.

We don’t really have autumn or spring… here is why I think we don’t: The 1^st of September is celebrated in South Africa as Spring day because September to November are the spring months. It’s in September that most people usually chuck all their winter stuff into the vault never to be looked at again for the next 9 months. Most of the time the girls will wear a summer dress with a light jersey, even if it’s not much hotter than the 31^st of August. “Dammit, it is the first day of spring and I will look like a flower, even if my skin turns blue from the cold.”

A dress shall be worn!

Well this year Spring Day was the coldest day of the year in Jo’burg, NO ONE was wearing summer dresses, the heaters were on full blast and families were gathered under blankets so thick they looked like one big blob. 2 Weeks later it rains, now the locals know what that means… the first time it rains in September means that summer is here, it is as if the rain is the last bit of the cold getting flushed out of the system. So in the space of 2 weeks we went from about 15ᵒC to about 27ᵒC. (United Kingdom readers, yes I know that is how hot your summer was, even with the “heat wave” teehee)

And good days to follow…

I came to the decision a few years ago that I will not complain about the heat in summer, because I complain about the cold in winter. I DISLIKE WINTER INTENSELY, and that entitles me to a certain percentage of moan-age!!!  If I complain about the heat and the cold then that is just not fair, I can almost see God going “it’s too hot, it’s too cold, blah blah blah, there is just no pleasing you, is there?! Just be thankful!” So, that is why I do not complain about winter.

Jo’burg’s summers are THE BEST, it is hot, it isn’t humid and we get intense thunderstorms, those are the best. I love the thunderstorms the most. The smell in the air before and after the storm is almost better than Diesel Fuel for Life (which I would just about sell my soul for).

So if you were wondering what makes South Africa so amazing apart from the Springboks, Nelson Mandela and Die Heuwels Fantasties… now you can add amazing summer’s to the list.

Here is a song from Die Heuwels Fantasties about spring…

Exercise Hangover!!

Imagine for a second if there was such a  thing as the morning after pill for exercise, just something to think about quick.

I think lactic acid build up is the hangover of exercise, cos there you are, bootcamping the fat out of your body, having a good time, smiling, or frowning… sometimes you can’t tell the difference. You feel good, you feel strong. then you have a shower, go to bed and pat yourself on the shoulder for doing those 10 burpee-box-jumps like a Jack Russel on roids.

You know what I mean…

Then the next morning you wake up and think, it’s a beautiful day. Birds are swaying, trees are singing, BEAUTIFUL! You get dressed and feel fine, you walk to work and feel fine, you sit at work and feel fine. Then by about 11am the lactic acid gremlin appears in every imaginable muscle in your body. You are too afraid to stand up, or sit down and you are definitely not going to fight fight fight, unless it is with the person asking you to do something other than lay in the semi fetal position and cry. If it wasn’t for the endorphins and the feel-good hormones running through my veins making me smile through the tears I would kick someone.

After I get up…

That, my dear reader, is exactly what I am going through today. Sitting at my desk minding my own business, singing a song, drawing a flower. Then I get up and its like my ass all of a sudden said “Oi, there’s muscle here… Make it burn!” On a positive note, my bum will soon be “that ass” worthy… and I am super excited about that, just don’t ask me to show any excitement, thats too much movement. Ok on another positive note, there is nothing more satisfying than an exercise hangover… as it will from now on be known!! I think that’s pretty clever if you ask me.

Heels Feels

Listening to the radio the other day (which I never do, cos it irritates me out of my sanity… tooooo much talking, not enough music) the presenter was talking about high heels and how it came about, what the pro’s and cons are and she also had a podiatrist with whom she did a Q & A. Also she said that ladies should phone in and give their opinion about heels. Some lady phoned in and said that she in fact does not own even one pair of heels (this was as a reply to the presenter saying that she thinks that all women have at least one pair of heels), this lady wears sneakers all the time, now I’m all for comfort but dang, thats a bit extreme, aint it? Then this other fanatic called in and I felt like stabbing her in the eye with my heel, she was all like, I wear heels all the time, even at the beach. This was my reaction…

GET OFF!!! EEEEDJIT!

First off, I’m pretty sure all women know the ups and downs of wearing heels, when you wear them you are up and when you don’t wear them you are down. Basic physics and all. More seriously, us women go by the pain-is-beauty thing way to religiously. Yes, a pretty/hot high heel does boost the confidence levels and make you want to defy Zeus and his gang of Olympians because heck… I’m wearin’ HEELS BITCHES!!!  YES, legs look amazing in heels and yes, heels “updo” any casual look.

Well thats just what I think…

But, why wear heels ALL the time? I don’t understand how women function in heels all the time. I knew a girl who would not go out without heels cos she felt too short without them. How the heck must I feel? I can’t adjust my knees cos I feel to tall… be beautiful the way you were made. That being said, I wear the crap out of a pair of high heels… I become Helga the Amazon Woman from times past with a pair of heels on, and I don’t mind. BUT I also prefer walking barefoot to wearing heels. When the occasion arises, and arise it shall, heels shall be donned for a night out, or to finish that awesome corporate  look. Everytime I think of heels and the pain and the agony and the sexiness and and and I remember this line from one of my all time favorite movies (for more reasons than Channing Tatum)

Love this movie…

I have to put this in here now… can’t say Channing Tatum without showing Channing Tatum.

In the words of Monica Geller – Humana humana humana