Some decisions in life require sacrifices, like needing more money requires working more. So I recently started bartending over weekends and I am telling you, what an experience. It all came about through my loud and bubbly personality (or, you know, asking and the boss being awesome).
What have I learnt so far? Being a young female (and dare I say it beautiful) bartender requires balls of steel. Why, you ask? I will tell you why: Because mostly men go to bars, and the more men drink the less charming they become… if you know what I mean!
1. Hello there beau’iful! Wha’s your name/number? Do you want to dance?
You should be prepared to be hit on… A LOT! Believe me it happens. If you are the type of girl that enjoys being ogled by anything from an old gray man and his dog, to the loner sipping his double bells on the rocks to the group of strapping young probably-just-over-18 jocks drinking way too many shots, then I would suggest getting more than one phone number to hand out. Because you get asked, a lot.
2. Oh, so you are a lesbian? You are full of shit!
I’m telling you, she is full of it!
If, however, you are not the type to enjoy the drunken hittings of men and you seem to resist their obvious charm, then I hope you are very secure in yourself and have thicker skin than Smaug, because the natural reason for you to not want to dance with or give your number to mister Bells with the comb-over, or even the hot guy who just had his tonsils checked by the very drunk girl is, you must be lesbian. It can’t be that you just like your men slightly less well shitfaced! When you voice this to them then you are full of shit. I happily agree with them when they say this. One very amusing conversation went like this:
Sigh… such memories!
Mr Drunk comes by all the time now, I regret telling him my name. The more alcohol in his system the louder the volume. I think I need a bar name. Something like Adele (I was told I look like Adele)
I take it as a compliment!! Must be the red lips.
3. Have a drink. What do you want? Have a tequila with us.
Now as I have learnt many MANY times is that drinking is a social sport. People who are drinking want people who aren’t drinking to drink with them. I think this is because they want to validate their own drinking, or they don’t want anyone to remember how utterly shit faced they were so to solve this problem… EVERYONE SHOULD GET DRUNK!
At the bar where I work, we aren’t allowed to drink alcohol while on duty, unless the boss says sure go for it. But this doesn’t stop customers from offering, or buying without telling you that one of those tequila’s are for you. You gotta have a strong stomach or, you know, just be smart about it and do what they did on Coyote Ugly. Chase a shot with beer, but the beer bottle is empty so you just spit the shot into it. Sadly, like in Coyote Ugly, we can’t dance on the bars, the roof is too low.
Oh, señor Tequila!!
I am thinking this is all for now… Might do another one of these later.
All this being said, I love working at the bar. I have always enjoyed watching drunk people do stupid things… hey, it’s ok to call some women “Stupid Things”.
lukraakvars 