Quoting Dylan – From Where?!

*First of all, I broke the thing, It’s been rough being a part time student, full time working adult and full time gypsy*

My previous post was basically just me, being me. Quoting Dylan at people who did nothing to deserve it!! *You are WELCOME*.

Now I see how well I did…

  1. “What are children? Midget drunks. The kind of people who wake you up by kneeing you in the face.”

ACTUAL: “What are they really? Children? Midget drunks. That’s what they are. You know, the odd people who greet you in the morning by kneeing you in the face, talking gibberish” *Not off to a good start, are we*

  1. “You measure what good a time you had by how much it f@#$ you up. You go out, get ripped, get shit faced. The next morning you are asked, “how was last night?” and you say, “It was fantastic, I can’t see. I have no sense of sensation, no feeling, no sensation on the left side of my body. I can’t even form sentences. You should have come, you would’ve at least lost an ear.”

ACTUAL:you measure what a good time you had by how much it f@#$ you up; you go out tonight, get ripped, get shitfaced. You’ll wake up tomorrow and somebody will talk to you and ask, “How was last night?” You’ll say, “It was fantastic! …I can’t see. No sens— no feeling, nothing, no sensation down the left side of my body. Oh! I can’t even form sentences! You should’ve come; you would’ve at least lost an ear!” *Listen, that one is pretty damn close, if I do say so myself.*

  1. “This was also a time where a woman, I am talking about a real woman here, would open a hat box full of old memories. The curly-wurly wrapper that meant so much. The bundle of letters to painful to look at OR throw away. They need to be kept so that they can never be looked at again. A 9 speed, dual shaft, triple action… no that was a different time, a different time.”

ACTUAL: *I got the snippets wrong on this one and some of the wording… go have a look.*

  1. “Australia, why would anybody want to go there? It’s located ¾ of a mile from the surface of the sun. People audibly crackling as they pass you on the street. That’s why you don’t need to cook down there. You just bring the shit out, throw it on a grill and it bursts into flames. And if they don’t do that, they fling themselves into the sea, which is almost exclusively inhabited by things designed to kill you. Sharks, jelly fish, swimming knives, they’re all in there.”

ACTUAL: *OK, it’s a long one so just watch the clip, again I left some parts out.*

  1. “People say that to you in your life, they go, “I love you, I love you.” “Yeah? Bring me a f@#$ing eclair.”

ACTUAL: “You know, people say that to you: “I love you, I love you!” Yeah? Gimme a f@#$in’ eclair.” *So close*

  1. “They’re not sophisticated. You are there, with the grandfather clock between your pajamaed knees staring at the mother f#$%er, thinking “please go home”. Look, I know we have had 7 or 8 bottles of wine and a half a bottle of whiskey, but I think you should drive, I do, I really do. I will personally cello-tape your hands to the wheel. Please go away from here.”

ACTUAL: *I am beginning to think that I should not have done this… but then I am also a bit impressed and a bit worried about how well I do remember these*

  1. “I know what you are thinking. Oh, do you? Do you really? I know what I am thinking too. I am thinking I’d like to be face down in a cushion, with my mouth filled with chocolate, and something lovely happening to my lower half.”

ACTUAL:I know what you are thinking. Oh, do you? Do you really? Well done. I know what you’re thinking too. I know what everybody’s thinking. They’re thinking, I’d like to be lying face-down on a cushion… with my mouth full of chocolate… and something lovely happening to my lower half.” *I mean, that’s not bad*

  1. “Don’t open the door, because it won’t be like that. What you will probably find is a tiny startling blind cat with diarrhea, sitting on a mattress less, iron sprung bed, with his huge eyes meowing at you. As an emphysemic landlady untangles her pop socks and a guy turns the corner with an aubergine wearing a string vest going bashabasha ba… *making kissing noises*. That’s your potential.”

ACTUAL: *It’s a long one, I got it quite wrong… the video is FUNNY so go check it out*

  1. “Wine, you have one of two bottles and then one of you says, “I know, I know, I know… let’s go potholing, in Croatia.” And you think, “Fine, I know a guy who can give us a lift. ME. Whiskey, turns you into 2 people, one goes up to total strangers and says, “come in come in sit down, for goodness sake have something, have my bed. And the other can co up to someone you have known and loved your entire life and says, “Get the F@#$ out of my house. Go on. Get out… and leave a tip.” Vodka is a very deceptive drink, they could market this to children. You can’t taste it you can’t smell it, why did we waste our money on a – why are we on a traffic island? Gin, gin is very dangerous. You need to be careful with gin, you also need to be 50, female and sitting on the stairs. “Nobody likes my shoes. I made, I made FIFTY F#$%ING vol-au-vents and not one of you, NOT ONE OF YOU, said thank you.” or “Everybody shut up, SHUT UP, this song is all about me”

ACTUAL: *Again with the long one, at this point you are just watching a long Dylan Moran show. Didn’t do too badly, left some stuff out.*

  1. “Children have a lot of purpose in their walk, a walk that says, “I am going over here” and you say, “why are you going over there?” “Because I have a harmonica.” “Why do you have a harmonica?” “I am putting it in the toilet. Enough questions, goodbye.”

ACTUAL: “When they’re walking around, they have a very definite purpose, they’re walking. And it’s a great walk as well, it’s not an adult’s sort of bemused shuffle, it’s that ‘I’m going over here.’ And you say ‘Why are you going over there?’ ‘Because I have a harmonica.’ ‘What are you doing with the harmonica?’ ‘I’m going to put it in the toilet.’ ‘Why are you doing tha—’ ‘Enough questions, goodbye!'” *Not bad*

  1. “Men find it difficult talking to woman about childbirth. Because it always starts with a melon. “IMAGINE A MELON!! COMING THROUGH YOUR FACE. F@#$it, stay there, I’ll get a melon, don’t move.”

ACTUAL:How bad is it? What are we talking about here? “You know how painful is it? Like what? Long weekend in Adelaide? What are talking about here?” And you don’t get an answer, you get anger…and it always starts with the melon…“IMAGINE A MELON!…COMING THROUGH YOUR FACE!…f@#$in’ stay there, I’ll get a melon, don’t move. *Meh*

These are from Monster, What It Is and Yeah Yeah.

PS. Going to try make up for lost time!!

One thought on “Quoting Dylan – From Where?!

  1. Pingback: Quoting Dylan! | lukraakvars

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