8 easy things to pick up at a bar

Whether you are a regular at a bar, or go every once in a while, or even WORK at a bar, I have found that these next few things are a little too easy to pick up…

  1. Lets start with drinks, people leave them lying around all the time. They leave them at the bar, on tables, outside in the road, in the bathroom, although steer clear of those if you are one of those “don’t eat in the bathroom” types.

    Just pick it up like you paid for it...

    Just pick it up like you paid for it…

  2. What goes with drinking like black goes with white? Cigarettes and off course, if people are drunk, they drop them, leave them lying around, not just loosies, full packs of cigarettes. Thinking about it now, money can be made.
  3. With that they lose lighters. Ok, ok, I just take them. To be fair, people always lose lighters. In my first month of working the bar I had already “picked up” 5 lighters. I don’t even smoke.
  4. Then we get to drunk people, girls, I am telling you if you felt like it you could easily pick up a guy at a bar. Guys know this, they have tried and tested it and it works for them. Just wait for them to pick up enough drinks, get good and shitfaced and there you have it. Easy pickens. If you like a challenge then I suggest getting to the bar early enough to lay some ground work. Early means less shitfaced.

    theeeere we go, drink up. Soon, very soon.

    theeeere we go, drink up. Soon, very soon.

  5. GERMS… oh the germs. Think about it, people spill drinks all the time. You know when your feet feel like they have been cemented to the ground, that my friend, is sticky wasted alcohol. Add food to that mix and you have a germ fiesta, think peanuts at the bar… and think how guys pee… now think about who eats those peanuts and how… You. Are. Welcome!!!
  6. This one is a serious one… and mainly from experience. Ever since working at a bar I have picked up a LOT of weight. But, lets just not… I am still struggling to wrap my pants around it. It’s all the standing around and working till early hours of the morning, so you end up eating bar food… deep fried everything starchy. Also, you have all this extra cash, so you know, driving past KFC… why not. Sitting at the office (real job) order a pizza… why not? Soon I will have to use the extra cash to buy new clothes… why not? Never being home to eat healthy is also not helping.

    And these babies aren't helping

    And these babies aren’t helping

  7. Swearing… SHITFACED!! You see my point. Say what you will but the staff that work a bar would have Popeye blushing. The swearwords that are cultivated in a bar blow me away, and the readiness to use them even more. From the most petite looking girly to the roughest westie you know. It happens, and you will pick it up.
  8. Manners… well actually you drop them there. Seriously, what kind of person walks into a bar with manners and out with them still in tack, all of them still present and accounted for. The swearing will sort that shit right out.

 

After proof reading my post I kinda feel a bit sullied and unusual… so I will stop now… be sure to see some more of what can be picked up at a bar, if you try hard enough.

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Socially acceptable

Lets start with a little Johnny!! Because he is awesome!

A phrase that I have been hit with a lot lately is SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE, I don’t like it! It makes people lie and eventually no one will be able to believe anything that anyone says because it’s not socially acceptable. I have found a few things that falls into the lies for acceptability category.

  • Telling someone they have lost weight, but why can’t you tell them “oi, you chubbed out a little there.” Now, I know that some people are touchy about their weight and what not, but maybe if they were less touchy with food and more touchy with exercise this issue wouldn’t come up! I recently chubbed out and people just dont say it… I personally like it when people can be honest in the face of danger and tell me, “listen fatty, put the cupcake down and do 5 burpees!” My dad and brothers do this (not the burpees part) and I love them even more for it.
  • Sarcasm instead of physical violence. I think sarcasm is a way of life, but I also think it can be a copout! There are many times where I resort to sarcasm because I do not have the money I would need to make bail. Seriously, some people do need to be punched in the face, or kicked in the kidneys but sadly all I have is sarcasm. Again, my brothers serve a purpose there, but I lose that battle every time. They are too big and strong for my sarcastic fists!
Darnit!!

Darnit!!

  • Walking barefoot… in the city! No one would ever call you out on it but you can know that if you had the ability to read minds you would cry! I love walking barefoot, its freeing and less of a health hazard! (Some peeps have stinky situations). Now why is it socially acceptable to wear CROCS but I can’t enjoy a walk in a mall without shoes on?! I should move to a coastal city and live on the beach! No shoes ever needed!
Thats the life!!!

Thats the life!!!

  • Eating with a knife and fork – why not chopsticks all the time? Well, I know a lot of people struggle with eating with two oversized toothpicks, but why a knife and fork. Listen, if I want to eat a burger/ pizza or even a steak with my hand then let me be. Otherwise I will find a different use for the knife you are staring down your nose at!!
  • Drinking with breakfast. Some mornings calls for a shot of jaggermeister AND aftershock before you poor the milk over your coco pops. Wimpy should start stocking hard liquor! With that, I think a shot with some chocolate cake should be acceptable for breakfast!
I'm pretty sure THAT isn't socially acceptable... lemme at it!

I’m pretty sure THAT isn’t socially acceptable… lemme at it!

  • White picket fence life!! Now this is entirely my own feelings, and if you want to have a go at me for saying any of this then you are part of the problem that enforces this onto females. I’m not a feminist and, if you have not had the privilege to read any of my recent posts, I am not a lesbian, I just do not like the cookie cutter life. Oh, you are a young single female, you must be burning to get married and start a family? Oh, you have a boyfriend? When are you getting married? Oh you are married? When are you gonna start having kids? It never stops! It seems that if you are someone who is alone and not fussed then there is something wrong! F*#& that thinking!
  • Aaaaand on that note… we have swearing… I agree with it being non-socially acceptable to swear, but I think swearing should be condoned… a little! I swear a lot! A LOT! Without swearing I would have to speak idiot and I can’t do that! I think working at a bar has brought out the pirate in me!! Har!!

Yo ho, yo ho the upstream life for me! As always…

Peace bitches!

Damn straight!!

Damn straight!!

Ek is tog Afrikaans

Herre Bets, maar ek het lanklaas in onse mooie taal enigiets op die blog van my kwyt geraak, wat n tragedie. Ek dink dit is weer tyd vir n paar Afrikaanse treffers. Ek moet sê, ek dink die hele gevoel kom van my nuwe “moonlight” werkie by die kroeg genaamd Die Waenhuis… Dis korek, die kroeg se naam is Die Waenhuis. Kompleet met n ossewa wiel in die voorportaal en perde sale vir kroeg stoele. By Die Waenhuis word daar ook baie baie Afrikaanse treffers geluister, en ek gee nie om wie wat vir my se nie, Karlien van Jaarsveld se Hande is amazing (behalwe dat sy nie regtig kaalvoet loop in die musiek video nie… Sy dra moerse hakskoene, hoe maak dit sin?), en Dewald Wasserval se Eendag As Ons Groot Is smelt my hart sommer. So met effek voel ek heeltemal Afrikaans deesdae.

Ooooh ryperd, ons ry die pad tesame...

Ooooh ryperd, ons ry die pad tesame…

Dan kom ek nog op die vreeslike interessante webtuise (www.maroelamedia.co.za) af wat als wat Afrikaans in my is streel. Als van n diep liefde vir rugby tot die wil om ongelooflike interessante nuwe woorde of gesegdes te leer. Because who doesn’t like a smartass?! So die woord wat ek vandag nogals snaaks vind is makrielkuite. In kort is dit basies wat die volgende prentjie verduidelik…

Die maaaaaar beentjies... Hie-Ha-Hu!

Die maaaaaar beentjies… Hie-Ha-Hu!

Die volle betekenins is as volg:

Baie maer kuite of soms bene: By die swemkuil het ons seuns hom altyd gespot met sy smal skouertjies en sy makriel-kuite.

Gaan kyk gerus na die oorsprong van die woord hier.

Daarmee bygesê, ek moet drasties weer begin oefen!! Maar sal defnitief nie makrielkuite kan hê nie. Geseënd! Oooh en voor ek verder gaan… kyk maar of julle nie my page op Facebook wil like nie toe? Wat is n ou like nou tussen pjelle?

Watse woord(e) het jou nogals geklap?

Bar-tending requirements: Balls of steel.

Some decisions in life require sacrifices, like needing more money requires working more. So I recently started bartending over weekends and I am telling you, what an experience. It all came about through my loud and bubbly personality (or, you know, asking and the boss being awesome).

What have I learnt so far? Being a young female (and dare I say it beautiful) bartender requires balls of steel. Why, you ask? I will tell you why: Because mostly men go to bars, and the more men drink the less charming they become… if you know what I mean!

1. Hello there beau’iful! Wha’s your name/number? Do you want to dance?

You should be prepared to be hit on… A LOT! Believe me it happens. If you are the type of girl that enjoys being ogled by anything from an old gray man and his dog, to the loner sipping his double bells on the rocks to the group of strapping young probably-just-over-18 jocks drinking way too many shots, then I would suggest getting more than one phone number to hand out. Because you get asked, a lot.

2. Oh, so you are a lesbian? You are full of shit!

Old, Drunk, Bar

I’m telling you, she is full of it!

If, however, you are not the type to enjoy the drunken hittings of men and you seem to resist their obvious charm, then I hope you are very secure in yourself and have thicker skin than Smaug, because the natural reason for you to not want to dance with or give your number to mister Bells with the comb-over, or even the hot guy who just had his tonsils checked by the very drunk girl is, you must be lesbian. It can’t be that you just like your men slightly less well shitfaced! When you voice this to them then you are full of shit. I happily agree with them when they say this. One very amusing conversation went like this:

Sigh... such memories!

Sigh… such memories!

Mr Drunk comes by all the time now, I regret telling him my name. The more alcohol in his system the louder the volume. I think I need a bar name. Something like Adele (I was told I look like Adele)

Adele

I take it as a compliment!! Must be the red lips.

3. Have a drink. What do you want? Have a tequila with us.

Now as I have learnt many MANY times is that drinking is a social sport. People who are drinking want people who aren’t drinking to drink with them. I think this is because they want to validate their own drinking, or they don’t want anyone to remember how utterly shit faced they were so to solve this problem… EVERYONE SHOULD GET DRUNK!

At the bar where I work, we aren’t allowed to drink alcohol while on duty, unless the boss says sure go for it. But this doesn’t stop customers from offering, or buying without telling you that one of those tequila’s are for you. You gotta have a strong stomach or, you know, just be smart about it and do what they did on Coyote Ugly. Chase a shot with beer, but the beer bottle is empty so you just spit the shot into it. Sadly, like in Coyote Ugly, we can’t dance on the bars, the roof is too low.

Tequila

Oh, señor Tequila!!

I am thinking this is all for now… Might do another one of these later.

All this being said, I love working at the bar. I have always enjoyed watching drunk people do stupid things… hey, it’s ok to call some women “Stupid Things”.