In less than a month I am turning 25… a sentence I never actually thought about saying. I don’t know why but turning 25 has got me looking back at my life and trying to figure out what in the heck I did with it. I’m not freaking out about it, cos I sure as don’t look 25. I’ve recently been told I could pass for 19, so whatevs.
Yeah sure there’s not much you can do for the first 18 years of your life, you know, being a dependent and below the legal drinking age (which NEVER stops anyone) and all. But after school, after you leave your teen years, after the carelessness of being dependent on parents for clothes, food, transport, and STUFF. That’s the “life” I’m talking about here. I got asked the other day, “Liezel, where do you see yourself in 5 years?” and I thought, why do you ask me these morbid questions? Why do you toy with your life insurance? Do you want to die with your fingers in your eyes and a lollipop up your nose?
As you can well guess, my violent behavior springs from my own insecurities, that and growing up with brothers and male cousins (why, oh why, does the English language not have gender specific words for male and female cousins like Afrikaans has? Nefie: Male, Niggie: Female) and uncles. Having to defend yourself and your food in any scenario makes you violent – only a little – also having brothers who practiced amateur wrestling on you or taught you how to flick someone with a dishtowel so hard that they bled. Yes, *taking a bow* I can do that. Getting off topic again, I was saying something about insecurities… oh yes, my own insecurities about what I’ve done, or not done, with my life in the 7 years I have been out of school. Oh, I have lived, enjoyed life, been carefree, but was it worth it? Was it worth being where I am now to have a bit of fun? The crazy (and more populated) side of me screams YES!!!! The other side of me (the side with the higher IQ) screams HELL NO!! And then there is the question – where are you? Sometimes I think I have been on a 7 year long gap-year. Something Dylan Moran has strong feelings about…
But, then age is just a number, and I can do so much now. I can do anything I put my mind to. I mean I am killing myself at least twice a week at bootcamp. Oh that reminds me, I did a whopping 15 regular non-girly push ups yesterday, and I TRIED doing one pull up. In my mind I was chinning the bar, in reality I just hung there looking like a piece of meat in a butchery. Why do gyms have mirrors by the way? Yes, back to what I am doing, living each day as it comes. Taking steps to better myself and I came to the realisation that in 5 years from now there are 2 scenarios that I see myself in: 1) I at least want to have bought myself a BMW like this one…
that’s a start, isn’t it? Obviously there are certain steps that would lead to the actual purchase of the beaut of a car, like earning more money. Nothing that doing some courses and classes and using some brain power (most of which are dormant at the moment) won’t fix. And 2) being a fighter pilot in the South African Air Force.
The trouble with asking the 5-years-from-now question is that you need a contingency plan. A how-to-guide to actually get to those places. that’s where I don’t know where to, with what, or how. But I do know that I am not part of a church just for nothing and I do not have supportive family and friends for nothing. Ask and ye shall receive, even if it is a klap to wake up.
Ok I’m done now!