Disney men… Princes?!

Feel like a child again!

I recently went to see Disney on Ice. And as expected, it was magical. But now I have been thinking, why are all these fairy tales always from the princess’ view? Why do we only hear from the Prince when the princess needs some kind of rescuing or when the writer thinks ok, the audience must be quite sick of just the princess, the men also need to relate in some way, queue Prince Charming! Yes, yes in some cases it’s not a prince, like in Aladdin, Tangled (Although in the original Rapunzel it is a prince and not the Smoulder) and the newest craze Frozen. But it seems that it is always a princess, except Mulan, no prince or princess there. THERE IS HOPE!

There are two Disney movies I can think of that is from the Prince’s view: 1 is the heart warming Lion King. But that’s not even a human type thing, and 2 is Aladdin.  Seriously, it’s like Disney don’t want men to dream to find the princess, or they want men to think of themselves as poor men with monkeys. At this Disney on Ice thing I noticed the little boys enjoying the princess parts as much as the Toy Story parts. So they obviously learn something. And EVERYONE, young and old, was a child again when that famous Lion King intro started. Lion King Rocks.

Aaaaaaa sibenya!!!

Here’s what I want to try, or get people to try. Try taking the princes from all these Disney Golden Oldies and think what the story would be like if it was from his view point. Considering how men think, how men have always thought the story must be quite violent and/or sexual. (Maybe that is why it is out of the princess’ view point). I mean the prince that came across Snow White’s corpse in the glass case surrounded by animals and 7 small men must have thought, well I obviously walked in on some WEIRD shit! 7 guys, 1 girl… no wonder she is pretending to be dead. Or alternatively he would gallop in there on his trusty stallion and kill everyone there because “the damsel was being held captive and them damsels love displays of violence and alpha male syndrome”

What sick stuff is going on here!!!???

Then there is the one where all the Princes devote their lives to compete on international level to prove who is the best in endurance, strength and mental fitness to conquer the deep dark forest and the dead quiet of the sleeping kingdom wherein the most beautiful princess in all the lands have been asleep for over 100 years. I wonder if they had the annual great games where the princes that that year reach a certain age would compete. Something like the hunger games, just on a royalty stage. Do you think the witch’s spell that made the entire kingdom sleep was cast that it also included the grass and trees and plants? And when you sleep for 100 years doesn’t your body do that whole sweating thing and the hair growing thing? Imagine that, all the men looking like Wookies and smelling like the return of the dead. Surely sweat and hair cells don’t sleep. Did these people age in this spell? Cos then Sleeping Beauty ain’t no beauty! Come on, stinky granny more like it! I would be pissed if I spent my life training to be the best of the best in all the surrounding lands because no one has even been able to break the spell and I get to that tower and in the bed is an old stinky granny… I would walk away.  I am really hoping the spell froze time in that particular kingdom just for the sake of my own sanity.

They posed for a family portrait as the spell hit… YIKES!

I should stop for now because a post that is too long gets boring. I will write some more and post next week… meanwhile. What adaptations would you have for the Disney Princes? What would the story be like if its main character was the prince?

Non-Singles dumb things…

DISCLAIMER: I don’t hate on couples, I love having couples as friends and seeing their love blossom as they fight to the death… oh no wait, wrong cross over. But sometimes the people (mostly females) freak out about stupid things like these:

Toilet Seat

The great war about the toilet seat, for years and years since the toilet seat was invented women have been obsessed with starting fights cos he left the flippen toilet seat up. Listen, ladies, he has to pick it up when he uses the toilet so just use your hand like a big girl and put it down. If you are one of those germ-a-fobe people then use your foot. Another alternative is just learn to close the toilet entirely after you use it! Solves so many stupid problems. Seriously, it’s just a toilet seat. Love this scene from What Happens in Vegas.

Anniversary

Origin: Middle English: from Latin anniversarius ‘returning yearly’, from annus ‘year’ + versus ‘turning’

 My other problem is with people (mostly females) that freak out because the other person forgot to remember that one day many days ago that he first set eyes on your slightly drunk face with the smudged mascara and decided, “her, I want her to be a part of my life for the foreseeable future, her with the tangled hair and the broken heel”. Ok, ok, I know not everyone meets when they are drunk. The guy sees the girl boarding a train and gathers up the years of courage, goes to her and asks her on a date. Women, he has probably got so much adrenaline pumping in his body and he is thinking about what if you reject him. Fight or flight is a real thing! Now you want him to remember what day he did that on? Seriously? He was either drunk or not thinking. Just be glad he asked your ass out, be glad he had that courage (tequila) to go up to you and make a move! Just, just be freakin happy about something!

So cute it hurts!

If it is the day you got married then still, don’t freak out if the person remembers. I wouldn’t want special treatment on only one day in a year. I would want to treat and be treated specially every day after the wedding! That’s why you got married isn’t it? Just be freaking happy he chose to stick with you even after knowing how mentally ill you are and he doesn’t get any government money! It’s a minor thing. If he forgets to pick up the children from school and you wake up in the middle of the night remembering the thing you forgot which is your child sitting outside the school THEN you may freak out, but only a little cos, bitch, you forgot too!

Another thing that pisses me off is people that celebrate EVERY. FREAKIN. MONTH!!! It’s called an ANNIVERSARY. It commemorates a day that comes around ANNUALLY, YEARLY!! It’s not called a monthiversary! And naturally this adds the pressure onto the other person to remember this specific date, every month, not out of love, but out of fear for being kicked!

Fighting

It doesn’t work that way.

I know people are different, yes I get that and people take offence when none was meant. Don’t choose to have it out in the middle of a store, or at a braai, or in the bar. Just calm your tits till you are in a private place (where there will be no witnesses) to fight it out. There is not a lot of things that make me uncomfortable but one of the main things are fights. I HATE FIGHTS! Fights in front of other people who had nothing to do with whatever you are fighting about to be is a bit disrespectful. Fights in front of your children HELLS NO!!! That makes me angry and then I wanna fight! Children remember things like that! and they will start treating your or your partner the way you treat each other, with disrespect. I do like bar fights though. I would go to a bar just too see 2 big ass rugby player types, size each other up and see which one can swing his steroid pump harder than the other. I would pay to see that because its action, not verbal. Words hurt where plasters don’t stick!

I feel this is part one… for now! *Deep breath*

Love ♥ speaks…

One of my all-time favourite quotes is from one of my favourite all-time comedians… you guessed it DYLAN MORAN! He says Cake is the language of love. I can’t totally agree or disagree with him but if he had said the KFC’s zinger wings were the language of love then obviously I would be all over that.

But there is a certain benefit that comes from knowing what your love language is, what makes your love-meter tick. What makes you feel loved even though the person gave you a half-eaten apple pie with sour cream. What do YOU do to make other people feel loved? To show people that you love them? It’s very good to know, I think it helps with a lot of communication problems.

I said “oksdec ofia lkifcaf“… how did you not get “I love you” from that!!!???

There is a very good book (I assume – I haven’t read it yet) called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I have done some classes and in these classes the lecturer talks about this book and discusses the love languages. Also, I have spoken to numerous people who have read the book.

So according to Mr Chapman (and his research) there are 5 love languages namely:

• Touch
• Words of Affirmation
• Acts of Service
• Quality Time
• Gifts

And then he has a test that you could do which would tell you which of these you are more fluent in. Go do the quiz HERE. My ULTIMATE love language is touch! Not the creepy kind of touch, just a shoulder touch or something. Oh and HUGGSSS!!! Thats all I need! Hugging is like my recharge plug point! My dad and my 2 brothers are the best huggers (maybe because I feel safe with them and I don’t have to worry about sending weird signals – ya know what i’m sayin’? or its because they are all taller than me so its like bear hugs – tall girl problems!) I can feel when I haven’t had a proper hug in a while, my hug-o-meter goes waaaayyyyy down – I start feeling drained. Then once I have had a hug (depending on the length) I’m more than fine. It is like someone pushed a button.

Its instant!!!

In the last year or two I have become more of a gift person also. It is by no means as strong as touch (NOTHING IS!!!) but I feel uber special when someone has taken time in finding something that reminded them of me, or thought I’d appreciate. Even if I don’t like it at all I feel special that the person thought of me! Second strongest QUALITY TIME. People!! Loads of people!* Sometime these people don’t even need to speak, just sit there and let me love you! And I don’t need words of affirmation… I know I am AWESOME!! Really! I’m not even joking!! And the acts of service thing… meh, I can do things myself! (That doesn’t mean don’t do things that you should anyways)

*People that I love/enjoy spending time with!

 Have you taken the quiz? (DO IT!) What do you think about the results? Do you feel like it makes sense! Did it clarify some things?

Things I think/say while driving

Oh this is brilliant… I agree with all of these!

Coffee… the drink of death

Oh, how I love coffee… it makes everything better!! Freezing your ass off? Have a cuppa Jo. No one ever calls up a mate and says “Oi, lets meet up for a tea, or a juice”! No no, if it’s before 12pm, it is “Oi, lets meet up for a coffee” (even if they end up drinking tea). After 12pm, coffee rarely gets mentioned, it’s always “Oi, meet me for a beer” but that’s not the point. The point is, coffee is the glue of lasting friendships. GOOD quality coffee that is. Nescafé Gold… it’s called gold for a reason!

It really is so good…

BUT, that all being said, coffee is the drink of death! Don’t believe me? Try dumping coffee!! Try going from drinking coffee 3-5 times a day to not drinking it at all!! Here is a minor glimpse into my day yesterday after I decided that I am done with coffee… I was fine until about 9am, then all the gremlins came out and started banging on my brain with sledgehammers. They didn’t stop until I went to bed. Along with the blinding headache, I was tired… the whole time! And I’m not talking about yawning or anything like that. I am talking too tired to walk or even hold my head up. Ek was n 0 op n kontrak. Oh and did I forget to mention the uhm… how do I say I threw up twice, in a nice way? Hmm… yes so that happened. I thought I was dying.

If I had the strength… and the box, that would be me!

Why not just drink coffee again, you ask? Well, I did some research when I did the coffee detox the first time. Yes I have tortured myself in this way more than once… and I just don’t seem to learn my lesson. Also, coffee just tastes so damn good. So yes, research… I found a few interesting reads but this part of one of them caught my attention and that just pushes me to get over the detox.

Acid reflux and heartburn can be caused by coffee due to the way it relaxes the lower esophageal sphincter. This small muscle should remain tightly closed once you’ve eaten to prevent the contents of your stomach from coming back into the esophagus and burning its delicate lining with hydrochloric acid.

Sphincter is such a fun word to say. For the whole article:  http://www.healthambition.com/negative-effects-of-coffee/

For some withdrawal symptoms I found this one:  http://www.caffeineinformer.com/caffeine-withdrawal-symptoms-top-ten

This piece was especially frightening… considering how many people who have depression drink coffee.

Depression
Caffeine withdrawal can take away all hope for living. Temporary blues are one thing, but if you already struggle with depression this could be a big issue.

I could tick off all of the top ten of the above list all from ONE day. I am so glad my housemates are away this week so there will be no fatalities. No jokes, PMS has nothing on coffee withdrawals. It makes me moodier than a pregnant lady that just can’t figure out if she is hot or cold or if only her feet are cold or hot. So she ends up shouting at everyone with tears running down her face because she can’t control her tear ducts. Last time I did a detox I legitimately almost killed EVERYONE! Even the cute little kitty that happened to meow at me a few decibels to loudly!

Don’t shout at me you fur ball!!

Considering this is not the first time I have done this I feel I should include that the previous time I couldn’t even w3alk fast due to kidney pain, so I researched why kidneys would hurt and I found that it’s all because your body is dealing with all the junk that collected there whilest it was too busy dealing with your 3-5 times a day coffee fixes. So now it has to take out the trash. If you think about it coffee is a scary drug, scary because you don’t think it harms you until it’s too late.

Have you done a caffeine detox? Thoughts?