4 Favourite Sites

In today’s day and age the internet is part of the fabric of our lives. Everyone has email, Faceboook, that Twitter thing, Pintrest. If I knew more social media sites I would name them… Or if I cared more about social media sites I would know more (FYI I don’t care). So maybe it is only fitting that I have a list of my 4 favourite sites, note: NOT social media sites. Making lists is not my strong point but here goes:

4.  DAMN YOU AUTO CORRECT 

Damn You Auto Correct

Ouch… that was a little well… yes.

 

Biltong

Sooo much better than milk…

I stumbled upon this site a few years ago, I can’t remember how, I just remember laughing all the way. It also helps that I do not like iPhone and most of the posts are just from iPhone bugger-ups. The sad thing is that there are not a lot of new posts each day so you can’t spend a lot of time laughing. So I leave it for about a month and then I have about an hour’s worth of good solid funnies. There is a book full of the best auto corrects, but why buy the book when you can even view this site on your phone. Kinda like, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Answer, you don’t, you drink all the milk and leave the cow to get fat so you can get biltong (oh yes, I went there)

3. TEXTS FROM LAST NIGHT

Texts From Last Night

Oh to be young…

Ok,  this site is slightly in need of PG… the above extract is one of the more decent ones, BUT this is a guilty pleasures site. I could site for hours and read these posts. You know how you always see friends telling other drunk friends not to drink and dial, well this site is a compilation of drinking and texting. You know that episode in How I Met Your Mother (The Pineapple Incident)

How I met Your Mother

What the…

where Ted gets drunk and keeps calling Robin and then ends up with a random chick in his bed… same concept. TFLN is just a way for the whole world to see your extremely funny/bad/slutty/stupid texts while you stay anonymous. I learned about this site in a magazine and at the time I thought nothing of it, then one day I was bored and remembered the site and it was all downhill from there. My housemate (at that time) and I used to email each other lists of the funniest ones. Granted I do feel like sitting on the shower floor hugging my legs after reading too many so I take long breaks from the site. What you behold is what you become, wat die hart van vol is loop die mond van oor. Every now and then I go back and have a read and laugh… laughing is good.

2. EXPOLSM – CYANIDE & HAPPINESS

Cyanide & Happiness

Fire is out… I am amazing.

This is one of the funniest sites I have seen, EVER. Its an online comic strip, I don’t know how many creators they have but that stuff is FUNNY! A friend told me about Cyanide and Happiness about 2 years ago. As with the other 2 sites I don’t live on this site, some of their stuff just doesn’t sit right with me and I have to go away for a while to just gather my good feelings again, but then they have hilarious other ones also. I love the way the cartoons’ faces display their emotions throughout the comics. There is also a constant flow of comics coming but if you go on every day you would get about 5 new ones (I would know). Do yourself a favour and check them out… if you have a slightly twisted sense of humour. I have seen some of these comics being reposted by other supposedly funny sites… I find the source to be the best.

And for the número uno of sites…

1. CRACKED

Cracked

I remember exactly how I stumbled upon this site… a friend sent me an email in which there where pictures of that dumbass Piranha 3D movie, so I researched piranha’s on the net and sure as Cracked had written a piece about these little bliksems. From that first article I read on Cracked I was hooked. Its humorous, its informative and it is endless. You might recognise the format in which I have written this post… Thank you Cracked.

Michelangelo, David

TEASER…

These guys do research about each article they write, it is thanks to them that I know that most modern day movies put teal and orange together to attract attention, it is thanks to them that I know why Michelangelo sculpted David’s teeny weeny so, well, teeny… want to know why go to the link, and this article shook me when I read it.To me this site is like playing trivial pursuit, but only funnier and more informative… oh and I always win. They also have videos, in which you can see the geniuses behind the creation. In my book, CRACKED is the best website out there.

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Boot camp AKA slow death!!

I don’t know what you think when you hear “BOOT CAMP”, maybe a picture of a bald Demi Moore all bloodied up and screaming at her drill Sergeant whilest doing one handed push-ups with her legs far apart comes to mind, or maybe you just think of any army/war based movie and think- leopard crawling under barbed wire with a gun on your back through thick mud with bombs going off 50m from where you are crapping your pants and keeping your head down.

Demi Moore

Show me a more badass woman than this…

This is what I thought when a friend told me about an exercise program that she instructs. I decided to join… twice a week. A little part of me has died 3 times since I started 2 weeks ago. An hour of intense training (not as hectic as up top there, but hectic enough) push ups, skipping, running, sit ups, planks, SIDE planks and loads more, oh and who can forget the dreaded BURPEE!!! This little gem of exercise is praised for being a full body exercise because it uses your body weight to sculpt everything from arms to legs to stomach… if you do it right. I shall let the illustration speak for itself.

Burpees

Said no one EVER!! (at least not me… YET)

Burpee

Truth!!!

First you drop down into a squat position with your hands on the ground, then you push your feet back in a quick motion for a front plank position. Then you quickly get back into the squat position, hands still on the ground (at this point you might feel the urge to let out a subtle RRRRiiiibbbiiiiitttt), from the squat position you try to jump (in my case slowly stand) into the upright position… where everything starts again. We use a 3kg ball that we pick up as we are getting up from the squat position… Jippee, added weight.

When my brother used to play rugby in high school I used to watch him at practice and the guys did these, NON STOP! I remember the way they would walk off of the field afterwards… if what they did could be called walking. I think if the girls trained as intensely in netball then we would all have been unstoppable.

This boot camp thing is great, I might sound like I dislike it, but there is a certain satisfactory feeling in the pain and burn of your muscles the day after. One day I will say that I love burpees, granted, that day is faaaaaar off. For now I can say I love boot camp.

Moving along on 2

Some of you might remember the Wonder-Mobile, my first car and also the first car I had an accident in. After this piece of machinery cost me a pretty packet I sold it saying bye bye to the Wonder-Mobile, and with the help of a best friend’s family got a new car, new in the sense that it’s newly mine. It had been in their family for years. This car’s name is the Green Monster, its the family name I suppose. Now I had no problems with old Greeny, he drove well, had aircon, new radio. You know all was well. Then one day, I blew the engine… I know what you are thinking, didn’t you blow the gasket on the Wonder-Mobile? Why yes I did, thank you Mr Smartypants. But as I have learnt the hard way, its not the same thing. Blowing a gasket happens when you don’t put water in your car and blowing the engine happens when there is no oil in the car.  Anyways, the time has almost come for me to say adios to Greeny. Paying for his hospital bills is not working for me, imagine it was that easy with people.

Hospital Bills

Don’t get too attached honey, we can’t keep it. The hospital bills are too high.

So what will I get to replace the Green Monster? A motorbike. The costs just work out way more affordable than carrying on with the struggle of paying for a car. 2 Wheels are way cheaper than 4 wheels and more fuel efficient, also no getting stuck in traffic. I am a little frightful as my brother had a very bad accident with a motorbike and I have never ridden one. If everyone didn’t do something that they have never done before then no one would do anything and we would still be clobbering our mates over the head with a club and dragging them to the nearest cave, no wait we wouldn’t.

Caveman

Aaw sweety don’t worry I won’t know what to do with you once I got you…

I won’t go all out and get the beast of all beasts like a Hayabusa or a 1000cc Fireblade cos that would be playing with death… No that would be slapping death in the face and running away singing Heidi. Death WILL get you! I also refuse to get a Harley Davidson looking thing. I’m not willing to grow a beard, shave my head and have a tattoo of a scull eating a heart on my forearm. To me a Harley Davidson looking helicopter sounding thing is not a motorbike. I shall be getting a smaller motorbike, a 125cc or a 250cc to start off with. Oh and for those that were thinking, “why don’t you get a little moped (scooter to the lesser)?” to which I will say, why don’t you find a beehive and smash it with a hammer, if you survive that I will take it that you are a superhero and I should go on what you say. I will let the images speak for itself…

Bikes

Harley Davidson vs. Yamaha R1 vs. Vespa

Well, that escalated quickly.

I know this is a subject that has been covered many times and we all know where that quote comes from. Will Farrell as Ron Burgandy made it famous in 2004’s Anchorman.  Today it is used by loads and loads of internet users to illustrate that a certain situation has gone too far and basically has nothing to do with the initial argument (cos, lets face it, the internet is nothing but a pool of insults and small-man syndromes ). Even in conversations with friends around a table where the one says “I went to the mall today to buy my spider some food and a friend reacts by saying “a mall is the altar where consumerism is worshiped and where your dreams turn into nightmares where your brain gets pulled out your scull by gremlins and washed with jaggermeister and break fluid” … one of the other spaced-out-on-air friends will at this point pipe up and say “well that escalated quickly”

Anchorman

Preferably whilst sporting a mo like that and definitely that hair

I love reading internet arguments, I like to get some popcorn and put my feet up as I cringe at the fact that they guy is being called gay, his mother is being called a very very mean word and that he has the social intellect of a slug crossed with a mushroom… and all of this because he made a spelling error. He cant help that the “t” and the “g” are that close together on the keyboard and he can also not help that you feel that everyone is calling you a retard that is why you think he would finish a message with Kind Retards. This website has the best article written about it I have read in a while.

Insults

Of all the things you could have done or said…

I think if a random someone had to pop into the middle of these arguments and just pop a “well, that escalated quickly” in there just for the fun it might lighten up the mood… or it might just lead to that person being attacked for interrupting their argument. Nothing unites like a common mocker or maybe ice cream, definitely shots.

So that being said I leave you with this funny the levels of internet argument dickary that you get: Apologies for the swearwords.

I like to think of myself as a level 1

I like to think of myself as a level 1