7 things a No Carbs Challenge reveals

For the whole of September myself and my house mate decided to challenge each other to a No Carbs September. The stakes were high if one of us slips up and we are equally competitive so the month that followed was a lesson in itself. These are just a few of my observations from the challenge.

“I am everywhere!!!!”

We are SUPER dependent on addicted to sugar
Quick, take a look at the nutritional content of whatever you are about to eat. Unless its meat or roasted nuts or a pack of celery, odds are, there is sugar in there. It’s quite scary how much sugar we consume on a daily basis. BUT, there are also good and bad sugars, just like there is good and bad cholesterol. I could get all GR12 biological on you, but I will spare you. On that note…

This would be a good Sugar!!

Coffee tastes shitty without sugar
I have a love/hate relationship with coffee. It’s like the guy who steals money from you but is just SUCH a good kisser. I know coffee in extreme masses is not good for a person, that being said, I actually think coffee itself, on any level, is not good for me, personally. So when I cut sugar, I cut coffee, because coffee without sugar tastes like something you kill a child’s dreams with. I also refuse to use sweeteners because that stuff will kill you. Double cold turkey whammy. So then I found out…

A is for…. ADDICTION!

That sugar & caffeine withdrawals are the stuff nightmares are made off
It starts with headaches, I never get headaches, I’m superhuman like that. But as soon as I cut out coffee and sugar without wheening myself off, it felt like a dozen gremlins with jackhammers were redoing the hardwood floors of my brain for days.

Then on top of the headaches, you feel dizzy and fatigued. I can’t say tired because tired goes away after a nap. Fatigue stays with you like that stray cat you fed, ONCE!

As the headaches fade and you just become tired all the time, your kidneys start aching. It’s so bad that walking, sitting and laying down is too painful. Anything that puts pressure in any way on your lower back is out. Health tip: (Cos I’m such a glowing example of healthy living) Drink shit loads of water. Have an IV of water constantly filling and clearing your kidneys. Again, I could give a biology lesson of the function of the kidneys, but I shan’t.

Oh and did I forget to tell you? PMS aint got nothing on the emotional nightmare you become during the first 2 weeks of going off of coffee and/or sugar. there is a chance that you insulted and or lost a few friends during this period. Bridges burn!!! It’s ridiculous! But there’s a plus side.

Energy levels DO go up, eventually
Once that nightmare is over, you will have more energy, not STACKS more but more. I must say I don’t feel super energetic, but I am not tired all the time either, so that’s nice. My housemate noted that he felt 4 times more fit on the rugby field and he is faster (probably due to the weight loss). I know this is the ONLY thing you really cared about when you clicked on my blog… “yeah, yeah, but how much weight will I lose?”

Get off of me!!!

Weight just a minute…
Since the beginning of September I have lost almost 6kg. I feel it should be noted that I had picked up a crap load before that but still, a win is a win. My house mate lost more, I think he lost about 7 or 8 kg. I don’t like to play this card, BUT, it is easier for men to lose weight than for women… so there’s that.  Also he is active so he burns more than I do. I realise I am making excuses but so what.

You save loads of cash
How much money do you spend on food a month? And I’m not really talking about groceries. I am talking about snacks, take outs, feel-good-period-craving chocolates? Hmm? Have you thought about it? Well, I got to save some money by simply not buying a chocolate or chips of pack of sweets every time I go to the shop. Instead I bought a bad of apples or bananas. I will add that I would have saved way more if biltong and droëwors had sugar or carbs in, that stuff can dig a hole in your wallet! You still save a lot of money though.

So you turn to things like this… http://www.wickedstuffed.com/keto-tips/low-carb-tools-for-the-kitchen/

Lastly, creative cooking
Since you can’t eat pasta, or rice, or potatoes *Cries a little*, you have to come up with new things to cook, with the added extra that the housemate is not a BIG veggie eater. Sometimes you have a hit and sometimes you miss, sometimes you have a real South African supper… just MEAT. After a while you’ll feel like you would sell a piece of your soul just to have a baked potato. I think it must be psychological, it has to be, because I have done this whole no carbs thing (not as harshly) before and I was fine. Which takes me back, again to biology, this time I will explain some, you can’t cut out something completely. Your body needs carbohydrates, protein and fat (and of course minerals and vitamins). Each one of these three has a specific function in your body. Where we lose the plot is when we over indulge in one or more. That’s when we start being unhealthy and pick up weight. A wise woman says this to me very often “Everything in moderation”

Can we just take a minute to appreciate how adorable he is… Google Sugar and this little sugar glider comes up. I WANTZ IT!!

In conclusion, I plan to challenge myself for the rest of the year to cut out all preserved food, all bread, pasta and rise and to only eat moderate amounts of biltong and droëwors. I might even do this permanently, food should be enjoyed, but it should also be respected.

Dr Liezel (I wish)

United we shall stand… when??

The human race is fickle!! Why? We are all a bunch of draadsitters, stuck on the fence because we have ZERO confidence in our own ability to stick with something through thick and thin.  Sure that if we make a decision then a better option will come along and we will regret it. Taking no risks, having no faith. Ready to judge those who are putting themselves out there, making something of their lives, getting off the fence and changing the world, or, you know, the channel because who has the time to sit and watch Keeping up with the Kardashians reruns ALL FECKING DAY! Now, if that was F.R.I.E.N.D.S then you would sukkel to get me away from the TV. Just leave me some ammo, a little water, some chips if you have em, and I’ll be fine. Maybe come flip me over every 5 hours, so I don’t get bedsores…

That’s nasty… I know.

Recently, after the Cricket World Cup 2015 Semi-Finals, I read a blog post over at Bloggsy Malone regarding the shitty behaviour of the South African fans after we lost to New Zealand. I thought about it again after watching a rugby match this weekend. Dave Luis, the writer of this masterpiece (my opinion) is hitting something much bigger than a love for cricket or even sport. This is the nature of the human race. No undying support, no loyalty… and we wonder why the divorce rate is so high…

That’s dang scary…

Sitting in a stadium watching 2 local rugby teams in the Super 15, not being a supporter of either team but rather a supporter of the sport in itself, I was amazed at the animosity from the fans not only to one another, but to the players on the field. These pro-athletes, that dedicate their lives to give you the sport that you love, the entertainment you so clearly need in your dull, below-average life. Yet, just because he wears a different jersey than the team you support,  you see it fit to boo him while he kicks a penalty, a time of intense pressure, ignoring the SHHH signs.

Here is an excerpt out of Are We Sports Fans, Or Bullies? (in case you were too lazy to go read it):

We are not fans. We are bullies. Angry, hateful bullies hiding behind keyboards, safe in our digital anonymity, knowing we’ll never have to account for how we made another human being feel after they gave it their best, and still lost.

Our intense pride melts like butter before the blowtorch in the face of a loss. We cannot truly call ourselves supporters. We are fickle cheerleaders at best.

I have nothing against having a preferred team and maybe having a friendly row with another fan because their team is not as strong as your team. That’s fine. But when you sit at home, stuffing your face with cake and biltong, with a beer can balanced on your ninth belly, roaring advice to the best athletes in the world, then I have a problem. You can’t say jack-shit, you would pass out running for a try from the 22 line, so shut up.

Nothing like watching a game live…

I think South Africa is in a critical phase, especially with sport, it unites race, religion, culture. With 2 world cups this year, shouldn’t we be building these super-athletes up? Want, môre, oormôre dra hy ‘n Springbok trui. And then you cheer with all your might and pray to the rugby gods that the boo’s you threw at him just a few months ago didn’t chip away too much of this self-confidence and that he makes the critical game-winning kick. When that same player than you hated just yesterday pulls that Springbok rugby jersey over his head and stands in England representing your country, you will proudly stand and sing,

Sounds the call to come together and united we shall stand. Let us live and strive for freedom, in South Africa our land

Yes, united we shall stand till you lose, then we will all turn against you!!

Wow… until they come and beat you over the head with a bat!! But they won’t because they will carry on training and being a better human being.

Heaven forbid our Springboks miss one tackle, or one line-out goes bad, or one dropkick is 0.2 degrees out. Then we all throw down, grab our phones and let the social media sites feel the wrath of the millions of “supporters” doing stuff all to represent their country. Having the arrogance and audacity to call these players faders and chokers… Even if they win, “ook maar net-net”, “They could have had a better score if this didn’t happen or if this player made that one tackle”

Sometimes, being a South African is shit! Having to share oxygen with a bunch of people who want change, but sit back and do f*#? all to bring it about.

I agree with Dave Luis… we aren’t fans, we are bullies.

Ek is tog Afrikaans

Herre Bets, maar ek het lanklaas in onse mooie taal enigiets op die blog van my kwyt geraak, wat n tragedie. Ek dink dit is weer tyd vir n paar Afrikaanse treffers. Ek moet sê, ek dink die hele gevoel kom van my nuwe “moonlight” werkie by die kroeg genaamd Die Waenhuis… Dis korek, die kroeg se naam is Die Waenhuis. Kompleet met n ossewa wiel in die voorportaal en perde sale vir kroeg stoele. By Die Waenhuis word daar ook baie baie Afrikaanse treffers geluister, en ek gee nie om wie wat vir my se nie, Karlien van Jaarsveld se Hande is amazing (behalwe dat sy nie regtig kaalvoet loop in die musiek video nie… Sy dra moerse hakskoene, hoe maak dit sin?), en Dewald Wasserval se Eendag As Ons Groot Is smelt my hart sommer. So met effek voel ek heeltemal Afrikaans deesdae.

Ooooh ryperd, ons ry die pad tesame…

Dan kom ek nog op die vreeslike interessante webtuise (www.maroelamedia.co.za) af wat als wat Afrikaans in my is streel. Als van n diep liefde vir rugby tot die wil om ongelooflike interessante nuwe woorde of gesegdes te leer. Because who doesn’t like a smartass?! So die woord wat ek vandag nogals snaaks vind is makrielkuite. In kort is dit basies wat die volgende prentjie verduidelik…

Die maaaaaar beentjies… Hie-Ha-Hu!

Die volle betekenins is as volg:

Baie maer kuite of soms bene: By die swemkuil het ons seuns hom altyd gespot met sy smal skouertjies en sy makriel-kuite.

Gaan kyk gerus na die oorsprong van die woord hier.

Daarmee bygesê, ek moet drasties weer begin oefen!! Maar sal defnitief nie makrielkuite kan hê nie. Geseënd! Oooh en voor ek verder gaan… kyk maar of julle nie my page op Facebook wil like nie toe? Wat is n ou like nou tussen pjelle?

Watse woord(e) het jou nogals geklap?

Engrish is hard, no wait, difficult.

Yes, the spelling mistake is on purpose and yes, it is purposefully done to sound like an Asian person is saying it.

All hail…

Ok, so English is quite hard. As you can see by my mass of other entries, I am on a self proclaimed very advanced level, those that know me, and have spoken English to me might agree with me. (I say might because I might also be making a lot of mistakes here and will be judged accordingly). Apart from the 3 English speaking house mates I have (have had). One of them is a teacher, the other has a degree in English Literature and the other is studying to be top of the food chain AKA a civil engineer… ALL of them grew up in English homes and NONE of them really speak anything other than English with the slight dab of sarcasm and crap. So you can well imagine what my life, living with these Super English people is like. Getting corrected for using are instead of is, or, you know, them not hearing right and choosing to correct anyway. Which really doesn’t bother me, because they are helping me.

I’m Afrikaans and I do this…

You know what else would help? If somehow they (and all other English people in my life) could give me a brief lesson in present perfect continuous tense (amongst other things), and help me to understand why the hell it is so complicated. Why, you ask? Well, recently I started doing an online TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) course to enable me to go to a different country (hopefully South Korea) to teach English there. Lemme tell you, there is nothing, and I mean nothing, that knocks your English speaking, writing and yodeling confidence like seeing how difficult it really is to learn from scratch.

WHAT?!

Especially for people who don’t have it taught as a fourth language, let alone a second.  I count myself lucky that I grew up with English and that I had people in my life who forced me to speak English to them. Don’t get me wrong, Afrikaans is still, and will always be, the heavenly language, the language you speak when you want people to know you are passionate about EVERYTHING from rugby to the chocolaty taste that the cake you had has.

Dis die taal wat jy praat wat mense laat weet dat jy het gees, talent, kultuur en n sekere vlak van brannewyn in jou bloed. Dis die taal wat jy praat wanneer jy wil skinder oor daai lelike meisie in die club wie se rompie eintlik net n groot belt is, net om later uit te vind sy is oook Afrikaans. Dis die taal wat jy gebruik wanneer jy kwaad of gelukkig is, wanneer jy jou toon stamp (oh, nee wag, dit is vloek).

But, I have to agree with… mostly everyone… English is the most widely understood and spoken language worldwide. So, to all my school English teachers, even the ones in the trees… even if you weren’t my teacher, and aren’t in a tree… I salute you. I will forever have a very high level of renewed respect for you, because this shit is difficult. (Please try not to do your teacher thing on this post)

It’s true…

Boot camp AKA slow death!!

I don’t know what you think when you hear “BOOT CAMP”, maybe a picture of a bald Demi Moore all bloodied up and screaming at her drill Sergeant whilest doing one handed push-ups with her legs far apart comes to mind, or maybe you just think of any army/war based movie and think- leopard crawling under barbed wire with a gun on your back through thick mud with bombs going off 50m from where you are crapping your pants and keeping your head down.

Show me a more badass woman than this…

This is what I thought when a friend told me about an exercise program that she instructs. I decided to join… twice a week. A little part of me has died 3 times since I started 2 weeks ago. An hour of intense training (not as hectic as up top there, but hectic enough) push ups, skipping, running, sit ups, planks, SIDE planks and loads more, oh and who can forget the dreaded BURPEE!!! This little gem of exercise is praised for being a full body exercise because it uses your body weight to sculpt everything from arms to legs to stomach… if you do it right. I shall let the illustration speak for itself.

Said no one EVER!! (at least not me… YET)

Truth!!!

First you drop down into a squat position with your hands on the ground, then you push your feet back in a quick motion for a front plank position. Then you quickly get back into the squat position, hands still on the ground (at this point you might feel the urge to let out a subtle RRRRiiiibbbiiiiitttt), from the squat position you try to jump (in my case slowly stand) into the upright position… where everything starts again. We use a 3kg ball that we pick up as we are getting up from the squat position… Jippee, added weight.

When my brother used to play rugby in high school I used to watch him at practice and the guys did these, NON STOP! I remember the way they would walk off of the field afterwards… if what they did could be called walking. I think if the girls trained as intensely in netball then we would all have been unstoppable.

This boot camp thing is great, I might sound like I dislike it, but there is a certain satisfactory feeling in the pain and burn of your muscles the day after. One day I will say that I love burpees, granted, that day is faaaaaar off. For now I can say I love boot camp.