Coffee… the drink of death

Oh, how I love coffee… it makes everything better!! Freezing your ass off? Have a cuppa Jo. No one ever calls up a mate and says “Oi, lets meet up for a tea, or a juice”! No no, if it’s before 12pm, it is “Oi, lets meet up for a coffee” (even if they end up drinking tea). After 12pm, coffee rarely gets mentioned, it’s always “Oi, meet me for a beer” but that’s not the point. The point is, coffee is the glue of lasting friendships. GOOD quality coffee that is. Nescafé Gold… it’s called gold for a reason!

It really is so good...

It really is so good…

BUT, that all being said, coffee is the drink of death! Don’t believe me? Try dumping coffee!! Try going from drinking coffee 3-5 times a day to not drinking it at all!! Here is a minor glimpse into my day yesterday after I decided that I am done with coffee… I was fine until about 9am, then all the gremlins came out and started banging on my brain with sledgehammers. They didn’t stop until I went to bed. Along with the blinding headache, I was tired… the whole time! And I’m not talking about yawning or anything like that. I am talking too tired to walk or even hold my head up. Ek was n 0 op n kontrak. Oh and did I forget to mention the uhm… how do I say I threw up twice, in a nice way? Hmm… yes so that happened. I thought I was dying.

If I had the strength... and the box, that would be me!

If I had the strength… and the box, that would be me!

Why not just drink coffee again, you ask? Well, I did some research when I did the coffee detox the first time. Yes I have tortured myself in this way more than once… and I just don’t seem to learn my lesson. Also, coffee just tastes so damn good. So yes, research… I found a few interesting reads but this part of one of them caught my attention and that just pushes me to get over the detox.

Acid reflux and heartburn can be caused by coffee due to the way it relaxes the lower esophageal sphincter. This small muscle should remain tightly closed once you’ve eaten to prevent the contents of your stomach from coming back into the esophagus and burning its delicate lining with hydrochloric acid.

Sphincter is such a fun word to say. For the whole article:

For some withdrawal symptoms I found this one:

This piece was especially frightening… considering how many people who have depression drink coffee.

Caffeine withdrawal can take away all hope for living. Temporary blues are one thing, but if you already struggle with depression this could be a big issue.

I could tick off all of the top ten of the above list all from ONE day. I am so glad my housemates are away this week so there will be no fatalities. No jokes, PMS has nothing on coffee withdrawals. It makes me moodier than a pregnant lady that just can’t figure out if she is hot or cold or if only her feet are cold or hot. So she ends up shouting at everyone with tears running down her face because she can’t control her tear ducts. Last time I did a detox I legitimately almost killed EVERYONE! Even the cute little kitty that happened to meow at me a few decibels to loudly!

Don't shout at me you furr ball!!

Don’t shout at me you fur ball!!

Considering this is not the first time I have done this I feel I should include that the previous time I couldn’t even w3alk fast due to kidney pain, so I researched why kidneys would hurt and I found that it’s all because your body is dealing with all the junk that collected there whilest it was too busy dealing with your 3-5 times a day coffee fixes. So now it has to take out the trash. If you think about it coffee is a scary drug, scary because you don’t think it harms you until it’s too late.

Have you done a caffeine detox? Thoughts?




4 thoughts on “Coffee… the drink of death

  1. Pingback: Coffee… the drink of death | ugiridharaprasad

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