Traffic madness: 5 Ways to deal

No matter who you are, you have probably at one point or another been stuck in traffic that seems like it is not going anywhere. For some of you it takes only about 30 minutes to get home and calm down. For the other not so blessed individuals, they are stuck for hours, going at a snail’s pace, to AND from work. Stuck behind the same old cranked up car! To be honest, no job is worth hours of traffic but that’s just me. As I sat in traffic today for about an hour (thank GOD, I was not the driver) I found myself, and my very short attention span, trying to find something to keep myself busy with.

Here then,  are 5 ways to deal with big city traffic… small town people who say that waiting at the ONE traffic light in the main street for 5 minutes longer is hectic traffic, go away! Your cows need a-milkin’!!

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1. Math brain
In primary school my maths teacher said that to boost our time’s table skills we should use the number plates of a car while we are going to and from school eg. If the number plate looks like this (Gauteng – SA) XCB 543 GP then you tdo 5 x 4, 5 x 3 and 4 x 3… simple easy stuff. 14 years later I still find myself doing that, thanks Teach! So try that one. What I have also started doing is working out what the first 2 numbers times the last one would be eg. 54 x 3. You know, keep that grey matter on its toes and what not!!

2. Count cars
If you now have the counting stars song stuck in your head… you. are. welcome!Also when I was very young, and I used to go to work with my mom, I used to count how many little VW beetles I saw on the road. Usually, it would be a “Punch buggy black” moment as a fist connects with arm flesh but, my mom punched me back after almost crashing the car so I quickly stopped that and ended up just counting them. My mom is still against the punch buggy idea… such a buzz kill. Nowadays, there are way less old VW beetles on the road so this game would be boring AF. That is why now, I now count how many luxury cars I see. And by luxury cars, I don’t mean Lambo’s and Ferrari’s. South Africa is a 3rd world nation, dear reader, look it up… we don’t have enough to count in one traffic sitting. I would count the fancy BMW’s, Merc’s, Audi’s… and I would get double points for a Lambo, Ferrari, Maserati etc.

Kanye-West-Lamborghini-matte-3

I have yet to see one of these… but as it is Kanye West’s, he probably sold it to get rid of some of that debt. AS IF!

3. People judging watching
One of my personal favorites, in and out of traffic. Preferably in a mall with a cup of coffee and an equally judgmental friend with whom to compare notes. In a car this is also fun, you do end up talking to yourself. But hey, who will know? I do that all the time anyway. No one understands me like I do, and even I struggle.

Anyway, with the judging I try and see how many cellphone users I see, and then in my own passive aggressive way I will try and indicate to them that they should not be on their phone… they never listen. Or, like today, I spotted a lady digging for diamonds, so far up her nose, she could change her mind manually. Thank goodness, I wasn’t driving because I was as interested as her, as to what was gonna come out. Then as she pulled her finger out her nose, I claimed a small victory in shouting out “TO THE MOUTH” and seconds later she put that same finger in her mouth, making sure to get every last morsel. Well done lady, well done! Oh, and I will not apologise for the snotty comment, a-thank you.

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Surely more diamonds are not needed, Highney!

4. Day dream about the other drivers
Yeah, I might be alone on this one but, I imagine what lives the fellow traffic sitters have. OR I make up the conversations they might be having. I form whole lives and 50 year back stories for these folks, what jobs, families and friends they have. I also feel the slight tug of abandonment when they exit the traffic and don’t even wave goodbye. We drove for how long in the same traffic and you don’t even say goodbye, asshole! Again, this might only be me!

5. Listen
There are these amazing motivational talks available on YouTube, get them and play them while you drive. The one up top here is 2 hours long… loads of listening time!! This stuff pumps you up and gets you fired up for work. Granted there is a lot of swearing but, you are reading my blog so yeah, I think you can handle the swearing. If you don’t need motivation or can’t handle the swearing, then get some audio books. If that is still not your flavour then (with the use of a handsfree kit, DO NOT TALK OR TEXT ON THE PHONE WHILE DRIVING) phone a friend and have a lekker chat. (WhatsApp calls are cheap and the lag will add to the time consumption).

Use the traffic as a way of winding down after work, so that you don’t have to do that when you get while devouring that pizza because “I was in traffic all day, I deserve this for not killing everyone!!”

Anything you do while stuck in traffic?

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