Whether you are a male or female, reading this you know that in your life there are certain goals that you have set for yourself and there are a whole different set of goals that those you call friends/family have set for you, oh and then there is the set of goals that society has set based on whether you have boobs or a penis.
This is my rant about that, what friends/ family and society wants from me, not necessarily for me. The moment you pop out of the womb all nekkid and bloody (it’s a reality, deal with it. At least I’m not posting pictures of actual births, you pansy) and the doctor proclaims to your swearing mother and sweating father it’s a boy or girl based upon the presence or absence of some key instruments, people start forming a life for you. Right from the colour of the babygro you wear from that moment to the type of sport played and the type of work you can/can’t do.
*Quick disclaimer (cos at this point you probably think you know where this is going): I am not a feminist. Whatever that means.
So you go through school making friends with more of the same marginalised individuals. Oh, you are a girl? Here cooking/sewing classes. What’s that? A penis? Here, woodwork classes. What, you want to play rugby? But you are a girl, are you lesbian? (I have legitimately been asked this) Yeah that’s what we face and we wonder where everyone’s creativity has gone to?
You grow up, wanting to break the mould of what, mostly, society wants from you, but that doesn’t get perceived as you trying to be your own person. No no, you get labelled rebellious, hyperactive, even depressed. And instead of trying to find the stimulants that your actual genius of a child needs you chuck a bunch of psychologists and pills at them and go about your day. Because, society states that if you don’t fit the mould, you are not welcome, something must be done to fix this glitch in the system. How dare you try and be different. How dare you have your own thoughts, dreams, wants, needs? We proclaim freedom of speech but force you to say what we want to hear.
On that note, have you watched Divergent?
Now you have reached adult level. You have survived thus far with the constant struggle against the walls of the box that you are forced into. You break out of one only to find that it’s a Russian doll effect. You have these dreams that you have formed in the privacy of your mind that you never give voice to because you have learnt that it is not lady-like, or that boys don’t do that kind of thing. So you sit, in the quiet, in the dark spaces of your mind day-dreaming of freedom to live your life the way that makes you feel alive. Can you see what’s happening? Resentment for those that blindly push you into the box because of tradition.
Let’s take me for instance. (You knew it would end up here anyway). I am a girl, female, woman, “fairer sex”. I do not want children, I have NEVER wanted children, I do not aim to ever have children. (I see you gasping there, you with the dream of what every girl should want and have). Yes, that’s right. Oh, and I also never want to get married. I don’t have and never had a dream of what my perfect dress/wedding day/ honeymoon blah blah blah would look like. You wanna know what I dream(t) of? Playing rugby/cricket with my brothers, climbing trees, becoming a pro-surfer, becoming a CSI agent. Becoming a fighter pilot for some air-force. ANY air-force. I even seriously considered becoming a pro wrestler at one stage. I do not dream of playing house one day. But DARE I say that, dare I mention that I do not want or really like children, it’s like I have blasphemed in 10 different languages. That’s when you can see that person try and come up with a reason in their mind. A reason as to why this woman (wait is she really a woman?) would want to NOT be the woman as is expected…
Obviously something must have happened to this poor, broken, damaged woman. How can she not want the ONE thing she is created for? Maybe she was hurt as a child, maybe it’s because her parents are divorced, that’s why she doesn’t want to get married and have children. Something awful must have happened to steal this dream from this poor unfortunate soul… Their responses range from:
“Oh, just wait, one day a man will come and sweep you off of your feet and you will forget that you didn’t want to get married.”
“Yes, you say you will never have kids, just wait. You just wait and see.”
Or, you try and convince me that the way I am thinking is wrong. That, I am wrong for wanting something so out of the ordinary.
You know what that says to me? It says: “You obviously don’t know what you want in your life. You are not a whole person. You can’t be trusted to make life decisions because you are a shell of a woman, and even though we love you and want only the best for you, we don’t believe that YOU know what the best for you is. So we will spend every waking moment trying to figure out what has happened to you and try and fix you.” it also says to me that: “God must have made a mistake with you…” *I’ll just let that sink in*
Lucky for me, I know what my identity in God is, that identity is not connected to a child or marriage. If and when I decide to have children or get married or stop punching my brother’s then it will be because I have made that decision. And that child or husband will be loved beyond measure and without doubt because I will know that my heart was pure. And when I have made that decision and you come up to me saying “I told you so”, I will punch you.
I didn’t write this to spark some kind of rebellion in someone. I am just trying to say that you should find out who God has made you to be and try and live so that you are true to that person.