Dear 19-year-old me 

EEEEEDJIT!!! Gosh!

EEEEEDJIT!!! Gosh!

You are an idiot!! Seriously, how did you think that NOT doing ANYTHING with your amazing brain after school would be a good idea? What the heck did you think was going to happen in your life? Did you think that by lazing and teenaging around that life was going to hand you a silver spoon? You don’t even like chick flicks, did you think some knight in shining armour was going to show up while you were doing stuff all and be like, yeah sure, I’ll support you for the rest of your life. You got lucky, that job you got is because your mom knew someone and that person pulled some strings. Come on…

Yeah, so you’re a good girl, you don’t drink or smoke and you let people know that you disapprove of the FUCKING swearwords and yeah you had your first kiss a few months before you turned 19, so what? What does all of that mean in the grand scheme of things? You aren’t doing the bad stuff, but you aren’t doing anything else either… you are being average. Actually by comparison you are being below average. All those opportunities that you let pass you by, the IT course, the option to study through the company you’re working for, the standing back and not fighting for anything, just accepting whatever happens.

You know you weren’t cool the way you rebelled, right? You know that a lot of people are now going, yikes… We told you long ago. Your poor parents. How did they cope with you, the worry and the wonder.

Now, 8 years later I am doing what you should have done, and now, because it took so long to realise what needs to be done and to make a decision, it is 20 times harder. EVERYTHING after you has been difficult,  you had no freaking drive, you had no motivation or inner willpower to GET OFF YOUR ASS!!! You didn’t have the discipline to stick to anything and most of all you lacked the respect and self-respect to listen to constructive criticism and not rebel. You dropped the ball on so many things and totally closed off a lot of rooms in your brain. No I need to go in there and spring clean, this place is a mess… Bitch.

I forgive you though, you weren’t all that bad, you have given me an amazing testimony and some amazing memories and friends (whom I have not seen since…). I forgive you because you were a product of your environment, you reacted the way you thought you needed to. I forgive you because you made me stronger and smarter (ironic how that happens), and I suppose I want to thank you, for being an idiot then, so I can be a smartass now.

Yours truly

27-year-old me

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